Recent Separation...trying to cope

[dil]

Went over to the house yesterday for a planned Call of Duty time. We both played the game on splitscreen and I really enjoyed it. I felt more of a friendship vibe from W which is good but I felt a little anxiety mostly thinking about wanting things to progress and see some type affection from her. I then just pushed aside that feeling and thought instead I need to be happy and positive just to be around her. After a few rounds of multiplayer and a little wine, I asked her if she had eaten yet, which she hadn't, so I suggested we go get something to eat at a taco place. On our way there, again, no R talks and kept positive and friendly.

After we got our food and sat, we talked about the game and things we've been up to and I mentioned to her that I was really enjoying my bowling league with my friends every Tuesday. During this conversation, I made the mistake of telling her how I was getting a little friendly attention from a girl on another team on the league. Told her this girl blew me a kiss after the game before she left, and that I felt a little tiny spark of something that I hadn't felt in a long time. I told her it was probably nothing mostly friendly, since I haven't really approached this girl and don't plan on it. W said that it was good, and its nice to get a little attention sometimes from the opposite sex. I agreed, and I felt that maybe she was a little bit bothered by it but tried not to show it.

Its difficult to be next to a person you really love and then get the feeling of sadness because of the lack of affection that was so easy to display before this whole mess. Still trying to stay in the mentality of taking things slow and try to make her fall in love with me again, but its soo hard to do that if she still has her barrier up to one of her most important needs which is affection. It seems like the day after I see her, I get into sort of a crappy mood thinking about things like this. Then after a few days my positive feelings come back and I'm good. Its a vicious cycle.