Continuing DBing after the affair

[GoatGal]

Starsky,

I agree with a. and b. as you said above.

However, Peter did say himself that the porn was a huge issue in their marriage before things unraveled to the degree that they are now. That, and the fact that he was dismissive of her concerns when she shared them with him.

How is that any different from other complaints our spouses had about us prior to BD?

Only Peter can decide whether or not her concerns about his porn use have validity in terms of the negative impact on their relationship.

I'm curious to see what his thoughts are on this one.
Meanwhile, I'm OK with agreeing to disagree.

FWIW, I was always the HD spouse, believing my H was LD and accepted finally that he wasn't going to meet my needs. Then I discovered that his desire is fine, he just wanted to expend most of his energy on porn.
This was even when we were first dating and I was a hot 25 year old begging him to make love to me. He was "too tired" or "not interested."
Yup. Found that out too last year.

So it is a bit of a sore topic for me.

But yes, Peter is the one who must decide if he has a problem, if it's something he can do without (because if he can't, this is probably not an issue that his W is just going to accept) and whether or not it is something that might impact future relationships.

Peter?