You stated that you loved your spouse, yet in your daily life, was there obligation more than love ?
Love more than obligation ?
I really do not view loving my W as involving any forced obligation. I think the problem that I did have when we were together is prioritizing my handling of my work with my W's desire for more money coming in. And with our home having gone thru foreclosure, she was ultimately proven right. I was too slow in seeing the need to make changes in my work situation.
From a male perspective, I can tell you that Love and Obligation are very blurred lines...
What is loving ??
What is obligation ??
For me, it came back to the primative ritual "male" roles in our relationships.
Typically, the male in the relationship is the provider for the home. It goes back to our caveman days, (which we STILL cater to).
As long as we go out and gather for the meal, and provide a section of our cave, and build a fire...Our little Women should be thankful for all that we provide...right ??
I mean, how dare they want more once we get home after a rough day pillaging the forest, and killing a wild animal for food...
Same aspect ties into our pre-wired antiquated roles as Men...
We go out into the world, and provide a financially sound environment for our "little Women" , and expect them to be happy with us, and for us.
We spend long hours away from them, and self-serve our own needs once we do get home. Our needs become their responsibility, and while we expect them to fill our physical needs, their emotional needs go un-fulfilled, often times for weeks on end.
So eventually, our lines of our partners needs, becomes blurred with the the reality of what WE expect, and what our partners expect.
So being totally honest here...
How often were you a Lawyer in your relationship ?
How often did you negotiate your point ?
How long had it been, since you had walked through the door, and made her emotional needs, more important the what was in your head ???
Originally Posted By: Wet
Originally Posted By: Mach1
You say that you were forgiven through Grace and Mercy, and you say that you have shown Grace and Mercy, yet you did not mention that you showed any forgiveness....
Have you ???
Your words, at times, say that you are not judgmental, yet at several interactions with her, when you had the chance to show something new, you chose to show guilt and judgement towards her for her choices.
What also comes with that, is showing her that you are superior to her, just because your choices are different.
Are you superior to her ??
Why do you show that to her ???
An MLCer can smell judgement from a mile away...
I would guess that it is the thing that most of them fear the most....judgement for their actions.
Ouch! Yes, guilty, guilty, guilty. But until recently, my W has shown no fear of anyone judging her actions. She freely spoke to our two oldest daughters of the men she was seeing, and freely spoke of herself as being "single". So yes, I did actions to try and change my W's attitude on this - yes even being guilty of judging her, as you have pointed out.
But my W is pulling back on this. Over the last month, she is not being so open of what is going on in her private life. Which helps me to pull back so that I no longer feel the need to deal with my W. I am in process of not trying to deal with my W at all, except for our children. My s13's grades came in today, and he did well. So I shot W an email today thanking her for helping son do better at school.
You left some questions on the table there ^^^ ...
I see a LOT of lawyering in your answers too...
Your spouse, does NOT define who you are at your core...
Your spouse does not define who you are as a Man...
Your spouse does NOT dictate how you portray yourself...
She isn't responsible for your actions, words, or behavior...
Nor is she responsible for your feelings and emotions...
So why do you place that on her ????
Last edited by Mach1; 11/07/1403:21 PM. Reason: I failed the to, too, two test
