Just to update my journal: Coming around to getting a better grip on financial boundaries with W. Our money sitch is very bad. Our rent has gone up twice since moving in (we were originally getting a decent deal on a large place) and it has made things basically impossible to balance, especially now with W contributing very little. My parents have been giving me money each month to fill the gap, but they are running out of patience as they see they are enabling W to have no responsibilities. This month, some extra bills came due that I had not factored into the budget. Yesterday I told W that I needed her to help come up with the extra. She replied that she had $100 in her account and that she would have to ask her mom. Then she left. I realized afterwards that I felt guilt/shame, as if I was the one asking HER mom for money. But this is wrong. She needs to contribute, and if she can't, it's on her to ask her mom. I feel at fault here for not holding her accountable sooner, but my thinking was that I would just handle the bills so that she could save up to move out. That's obviously not happening.
I tried to initiate a conversation with her last night but she was trying to leave while I was putting kids to bed. I told her that I am counting every penny trying to pay for everything and I needed her to pitch in. I told her she needed to pay her parking tickets. She kinda blew off the tickets, but I held firm. She said she would pay them with her next check. I told her that I wanted to have a longer conversation about this soon. She left.
She's clearly in ful flight mode. And if she's pregnant I can't even imagine the chaos in her head right now. But she chooses to go be with OM so I am keeping my distance. It could just be today (two days ago I felt very sad) but I feel myself moving beyond, imagining a life without this chaos, and it feels nice.
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together