And what should an addict do after such a self centered episode? Call his sponsor. News flash, I'm trying to direct the show. I'm trying to control everything. Not good. Back to my resentment list.
Detach. And let God.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
In the future, if something like that flies out of your mouth because you're half-asleep/tired/caught off guard... simply say something like: "Sorry. That didn't come out right/not really how I feel/not what I meant to say"
Don't bend over backwards apologizing for saying something less than perfect in response to her poke. It puts you in the one-down position again.
Why are YOU spending all this energy apologizing to HER?
Say "sorry" once. Then change the subject.
Don't worry, you'll get better at not taking the bait. And your W sounds like one who is going to keep dangling the bait in front of you, hoping you'll take it.
By "Bait', I mean pushing your buttons to get you to say or do something that will either: 1. Make you look like the bad guy she is perfectly justified in leaving (as this scenario proves) 2. Make sure you're still dangling at the end of the line in case she decides to change her mind.
You played right into scenario #1 here. She was the one who made the snarky (?) comment first.
If you are not working and she might have a point, just try and validate. "I know it's hard to have that responsibility." End of discussion.
By the way, is she "missing the girls" because she's busy working and supporting the family, or because she is busy enjoying other "activities"?
I see this as a dig at you, either way. Don't respond at all if you can't keep it cool. Eventually she should stop if she doesn't get a reaction from you.
PS: I am a guitar player too! There are a few musicians on here!
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
In the future, if something like that flies out of your mouth because you're half-asleep/tired/caught off guard... simply say something like: "Sorry. That didn't come out right/not really how I feel/not what I meant to say"
Don't bend over backwards apologizing for saying something less than perfect in response to her poke. It puts you in the one-down position again.
Why are YOU spending all this energy apologizing to HER?
Say "sorry" once. Then change the subject.
Don't worry, you'll get better at not taking the bait. And your W sounds like one who is going to keep dangling the bait in front of you, hoping you'll take it.
By "Bait', I mean pushing your buttons to get you to say or do something that will either: 1. Make you look like the bad guy she is perfectly justified in leaving (as this scenario proves) 2. Make sure you're still dangling at the end of the line in case she decides to change her mind.
You played right into scenario #1 here. She was the one who made the snarky (?) comment first.
If you are not working and she might have a point, just try and validate. "I know it's hard to have that responsibility." End of discussion.
Her comment was a tongue in cheek comment because she has been working 12 hour days 6 days a week. But yes, I get the overall jist of what your saying. She was not jabbing at me at all. I just responded poorly, in this particular instance.
Next time I will apologize the one time and drop it.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
There are some natural remedies to help you with the stress, anxiety, and sleep. Check out the health food store. I use a homeopathic one called ignatia. Google it.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
Her comment was a tongue in cheek comment because she has been working 12 hour days 6 days a week. But yes, I get the overall jist of what your saying. She was not jabbing at me at all.
I'm not so sure, although you heard the tone, I didn't.
I heard the tone, this was a very pleasant conversation. One of the better ones in the last few days. One of her big stresses lately is money, so that is her primary focus on some levels. She certainly did not mean anything by it. I am suffering, one again, form not being detached and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. What I was thinking in my head as I made the comment was, 'if you were here at home with the damn kids you wouldn't miss them so much, now would you?' While maybe an accurate statement, was not one that needed to be conveyed ta that particular moment and in that fashion.
Besides, I have no control over her, just me. I said something insesnitive, I need to stop that.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Jefe ... I am reading "Hold on to your N.U.T.S." ... you might want to take a look .. short book and has some really good tools you might benefit from.
