25 years married last june, but separated since Dec 2012, he asked for divorce Jan this year; I was devastated. We owned a business together and have been out of work since we separated; working from home and "hiding away" on special dates visiting a friend outside the country or visiting my daughter who lives abroad. Date for signing in front of the judge is next December 15th... I get sad sometimes, very sad wishing he could change his mind, but says he has thought about it and is better for him and for "us". We had a vacation home to which we used to go every weekend, I put a lot of effort on it but was so misserable going there, differently from you when I had people coming with me I went to the bathroom and cried a lot... so finally decided to take my things out and have not been there since Jan/Feb. He is keeping the house in the D settlement.
I have been applying for jobs, at least have sent 40 CV but no answer at all. Maybe the answer is I have to continue with my business, but is at home and that depresses me... I want to be around people and change my activities.
I am loosing hope as the date approaches, it is little more than a month. Have read the Divorce Busting book but besides being kind (when I have not exploded while discovering he has been visiting pro....tes during at least the first year of separation). Have done the NC for periods but not continuously.
He has been kind with money, each time less, already got an alimony settlement which would allow me to live tight, fair enough I think. Worked shoulder to shoulder for 15 years and before for 8 years in other companies, but have no title. Going back to school in January, but in the meantime I am still having my moments of tough sadness.
Went through a depression, which I think I am getting out little by little cause was medicated but have cut the dosis to 1/4 slowly and of course it is letting me feel now the reality.
Wish there was hope for after divorce, but a change in him would be needed (alcohol, ego, MLC I think)... so wish I could live my life without depending on this hope
He talks with my D23 occasionaly and the relationship with my S25 is not ok. I feel he is blaming his dad for filing although I have made my best effort not to poison his brain but he sees the change in me and keeps pushing me to move on which I try sometimes to mask for him so it doesnt affect their relation more. STBXH is so stubborn that he doesnt talk to my S unless he looks for him to have lunch or dinner.
Our life was not perfect together but we didnt have though problems. At the beginning of our marriage back 20 years ago we did but during the last year of marriage he was distant, bought an old car to fix it as new, when separated went back to university and to a single bachelor life, although he is very antisocial; guess that's why he went to those places and paid for what he "needed". Was in a car accident by himself and the car was totally destroyed, he was ok. I feel sorry for him but I know I cant control his acts.
I am a persuer and he is a distant person. Is incredible how we both match the description that much. But just discovered it here and with a little more than a month to sign I dont see a way back. He doesnt want to work on the marriage... says he cares for me and will make sure I dont go through any difficulty (money). But I am also concerned about his health cause he drinks, smokes, doesnt exercise, manages a lot of stress, as far as I know is depressed... sometimes I feel is is a bomb that can explode anytime
