Hi everyone:) about 4 months ago my common law wife of 11yrs gave me the I love you but not in love with you talk and said she wanted us to split up she said I never made her feel loved though I did love her but I admit I neglected the relationship and took her for granted, we carried on living in the same house for the next 2 months but there was a lot of tension though one time we did have sex but she told me not to read anything into it, after 2 months I moved in with my elderly parents after she started going out with friends and not coming home till the next day well now I have moved out she has been really nice to me cooking meals and sending them to my parents house she also turns up all the time and we make small talk and I never bring up the relationship but she never talks about us getting back together, oh and I forgot to mention we have 3 children who we both absolutely adore, now do I just carry on with things as they are and hope eventually she might want me back I don't want to start talking about the relationship again as it just pushed her further away?
Ok I made loads of mistakes when she dropped the bomb I was trying to persuade her to change her mind texting her too often asking her to reconsider but then I started doing 180's I stopped drinking a bottle of wine every night before bed I joined a gym and I'm now in the best shape of my life and she knows it, I replaced every bit of clothing I had with new I go out with friends every weekend where before I stayed in with the family, I get my hair cut every month I am always clean shaven I make sure I look the best I can at all times and I think it just might be working but I don't want to get my hopes up just yet
Well nearly another 2 month's have flown past and we are still not back together but she is very friendly to me but I'm a little scared she has put me in the friend zone I'm just not sure. I went to her house this week and I knocked on the door and when she opened it she said what are you knocking for just walk straight in I will be at your house, so I took that as a good sign, I asked if I could take her out one night and she said maybe when she gets time, but I know she goes out at the drop of a hat if one of her friends asks her out. She did get upset earlier in the week when she called at my house which used to be the family home before she moved out with the kids, I was painting the living room at the time she arrived and she said she was feeling very emotional and it hurt her that I was now doing all the things that she had been asking me to do for years and that she would not have left me if I had made all the changes for her she also later that day sent me a txt message saying I never loved her and would not do this to someone you love so all my changes are hurting her I don't know if this is normal with Db or not some feedback would be great
No I was just following the LRT and sandys 37 rules I think I should get the book I will order it of Amazon today I have another question she asked me to buy her a certain music cd that she liked when she was in my car I gave her a lift, now I know the rules say no gifts should I buy her it?
I have another question she asked me to buy her a certain music cd that she liked when she was in my car I gave her a lift, now I know the rules say no gifts should I buy her it?
Actually, it says not to buy gifts to make brownie points with your S.
Those "rules" are not intended to replace the book. They are just a few notes, or reminders, based on the contents of the book. Without the book, they could be misinterpreted. Also, they have to be applied according to the individual stitch. As the stitch changes, so should the "rules".
Does she have her own money, or does she solely rely upon your finances? Is it common for her to ask you to get her something she likes?
While you are waiting on the books, you can find the first chapters on the board. Also, be doing a lot of soul searching and list the specific things you need to change to become a better man. Name what you know bothered her. You have already named some things you are improving (which are great, btw) but what about the interaction between your W and you? What would you need to improve there?
Do you know what she needs to feel emotionally connected with you? Do you know her Love Language?
What kind of personality do your W and children see in you? How does your personality and hers differ from each other?
Do you see ways you could polish some manners and charm?
What about her level of attraction to you? Can you tell?
You have three children with her. Why haven't you M her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wow great reply much appreciated A bit about my w she is 34yr old she really has a heart of gold she gives up so much of her time to charity work, she supports the elderly and the homeless and is much loved by everyone in our small community she does do some paying work but has been struggling since she left me and I have been supporting her by paying for food and a few other bills A bit about me I'm 47yrs old but very young looking for my age most people think I'm in my 30's I work full time in a decent paying job and have provided for my family for the last 11yrs, the kids love me to bits as that's where most of my spare time was spent rambling through the woods or walking along the beach with the kids Sex life was amazing that's her words so no problem there What she is saying is she never felt loved and special she is convinced in her head I don't love her and this is not just a cry for attention, for the first 3 month there was no getting through to her the barricades were up and nothing I could say could get through to her she even told me to go find someone else as she would never want me back and she was done, now after that I started following the 37 rules and the the LRT which has brought her closer to me and we are now good friends but very little relationship talk
Another thing I should add is that coming from a small community our families are very close she visits my parents every single day and I call and see her mom and sister a couple of times a week I take her mom shopping for groceries as she doesn't drive a car
