Recent Separation...trying to cope

[dil]

Its been a few days since my last post. Here's an update.

A few days ago a new video game came out. Call of Duty is a game that my wife and I both love and we typically stay up all night playing it the day of release. This caused alot of anxiety mixed with a little bit of anger and borderline jealousy because she had planned to take a day off and play it all night on her own at the house while playing with her brothers/sisters online in another state. All the while I was doing my own thing trying not to think about it. It was a game that I was always into and had gotten her into it because she realized it was a good time to spend with me when we were together. Since the console is at the house, I really couldn't say or do anything and just be content with her, and tell her that I hope she is enjoying the game through text.

The next day, she talked about the game with me and I was actually in a good mood so I listened and was genuinely interested in the conversation. After that she brought up R talks and We talked a little bit on the things about her that caused our relationship to be where it is. Talked about her pessimistic attitude and how impacted my attitudes over time. We talked about how similar I am to her dad and the 'waterproof' attitude we both share. 'Waterproof' meaning that anything negative would fall right off of us. She noticed that over time that waterproof attitude would turn into me taking things more personally. That her negative statements and opinions started affecting me. I started to become negative toward her and would hold resentment over time only to let it fester and boil inside of me causing passive-agressive blowups.

She brought up an interesting point about the similarities of the things we hid from each other. Mine being the porn and hers being the EA she had, which she did tell me she had cut all ties with. The shame and guilt causing us to keep hiding those things from each other until eventually something like us separating would cause us to finally to become totally open and honest with each other. I felt so comfortable opening up about how I kept my secret for so long. The feeling I got from her was mutual. I enjoyed being able to talk with her face to face as we can both see each other in our emotional states of mind. It was a good conversation overall and I think that we are starting to realize that having open and honest communication makes us feel better.