Mid (quarter, really) life crisis

[job]

Kira,
I've brought my comments over from the other thread that you created so that you can have them here for future reference on this thread.

"No, you are not broken...he is. Kira, you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. He's the one in an identity and spiritual crisis and he's the one that has to go back in time to the place where he was stunted emotionally. That time could have been as a small child or even a young adult, but he has to go back there, face the issues that are bubbling forth now, and accept what he can't change, in order to grow up to become a mature, settled man.

Okay, so you have some ideas as to what may have contributed to your part of the breakdown of the marriage. Work on those, but don't take on the parts that he dropped along the way. Keep in mind, that any changes you make, you make them for yourself and they have to become permanent. Along the way, you may have lost some of the kira that you use to be, i.e., it's time to rediscover yourself, find that to do list and work on it, get out there and have some fun and find things that keep you active and your mind busy. Do not make changes just to please him because he will know that is what you are doing...do them for you!

As for the conversation tonight, listen and validate. You'll learn more by sitting quietly and listening. When discussing things w/him, keep your voice calm and even, look him in the eye and if you aren't sure of something he's said, repeat it back to him to get clarification. The calmer you are, the better.

When you sit quietly, the answers will come and one more thing, you are going to have to dig deeper and deeper for patience as your h's journey unfolds."

Keep the focus on you and allow the man upstairs to work on your h. You can't fix or control him...you can only fix yourself and control most of what you do in your world.