Need help. Jefe's even more confused pt 5

[Jefe]

I'll go back and look for them Starsky. Yes, I do think they would be helpful. I have not dismissed the strategy I'm just taking in ALL the information.

FWIW, I can read between the lines enough to know Hope has some sort of degree in this. Whether that's helpful in this discussion or not, IDK. But she has such a keen insight into how my wife is thinking and acting I would be a fool not to listen to her advice as well.

"Sadly I didn't have the moral courage to admit to myself that my wife was a lying, cheating, selfish piece of s**t. I should have laid down an ultimatum, and if she refused to dump the OM, I should have thown her crap out the front door in hefty bags and then filed for divorce."

Theoden, my wife has already moved out I hardly think giving an ultimatum at this point would get me much of anywhere. A) Ultimatums imply the person giving them has some sort of power or control over the situation, which I clearly do not. B) Even if I did have power, my W's personality is such that she would go scorched earth just to prove to me who has the power now.

However, I do appreciate the sentiment in what you were trying to say. I also realize that you weren't necessarily suggesting that this is the next step that I should take or should ever take.

My perception is that my wife has steadily been withdrawing since this past Saturday afternoon, so all of this discussion may be a moot point anyway because we may have to switch tactics.

Now where my biggest flaws lie is in the interpretation of why she's withdrawing. I tend to go extreme worst case in my head (it has caused many marital problems over the course of years). It could be because she has progressed with OM2 and they're dating. It could be because she is depressed over the marriage, it could be because she she is having normal hormone fluctuations (I have learned the hard way to not argue, fight, or have any serious discussion with her when she is pre-menstrual. We ALWAYS have the worst fights then. If I have done my math right, that is this week. The day she walked out she was at the peak of pre-menstrual). Or, it could be that she has not withdrawn at all and I'm just miss-reading the ques. Who knows.

While I'm on the subject, though. I have been pondering the "intel" I have about her "being " with OM2 on the 17th. The intel shows that she was at CJ's (a shi**y pool hall in a shi**y part of town) with OM2, OM2's sister and her husband. She friended the sister on FB first. There is a possibility she went there with sis. There is a possibility she went with OM2. There's a possibility she went down on OM2 in the parking lot or went home with him, Hell there's even a possibility she had a 3some in the bathroom with both OM2 and BIL.
And there is a possibility she did none of this and just played pool with some friends at CJ's because that's where they wanted to go.
Do I think she is courting/grooming OM2? Yes. But we don't know his interest level. And if we are perfectly honest, he's a bit of a pretty boy and my wife (while more beautiful to me than anything) is a bit overweight and out of shape. Even that has no real relevance in this because all of the above scenarios could still be true.

Point being, after that exhaustively long paragraph, I don't really know anything. She's been treating me like a mushroom for at least 45 days.

So, I am harvesting as much information as I can to help me save me and save my marriage.
And Starsky, I read MWD's LRT and It's just a simplified version of the 37 rules so, yes I'm open to more of that, too.