Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

Wait...........aren't the two of you seeing different goals? Did she agree to work on the M during this last conversation with her?

You must finish reading DR now!

I know I am getting ahead of myself... Yes we have different goals right now. She wants to be free and single, I want to be married. No, she hasn't shown any desire to work on the M. I continued reading DR and MWD basically said the same thing you are saying. I am being impatient! I know this is a long road but I'm feeling tired and want to be further along than I am.

UP,

Has she actually ASKED you the big "what will it take?" question? Has she SAID she was willing to do piecing with you?

I must have missed that.

Until she does, I do like the civil conversations about financial realities and such you are having (good job!), and I also like the boundaries and agreements you've laid out in your 100-day plan. (However, I would NOT put a # of days on it -- make it more of a "TFN" thing . . . waywards view 100-day deadlines as tacit approval to continue to be wayward for the next 99 days, upon which they will then promise you the earth, moon and stars to let them back into the marriage).

I think you have some real positives going for you. You both obviously still love and care for each other, and your wife seems to be respectful of your boundaries for the most part. I think if you let the natural kicking-in of some of the financial and other "BGPs" things kick in, and maintain your GAL and positive changes, the marriage might just look very attractive to her after only a few months.


Starsky

No, she hasn't asked the "what would it take" question. She doesn't even want to be married at this point. I do see positive signs and effort on her end to connect with me, reassure me A is over, but she is certainly not ready for piecing yet. Im feeling impatient and annoyed that I have to change. Limbo is getting old and I feel like my PMA is at an all time low right now... Her weeks and weeks of negative words about our M is multiplying in my head right now. Others are telling me I've been going well, to stay the course, but I feel like I just want to shove her out the door and be done with this.

I'm struggling with 180s. A big one is letting her figure stuff out on her own. I always want to help her figure stuff out, which doesn't allow her to grow and experience her "BGP" lessons. Please pray for me to let go of control.

Waaa waaa. I know I'm acting like a baby right now! I know what I am supposed to do but I have a bad attitude and don't want to do it.