On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

Things continue to go south. In the past 8 days she has gone out 3 times, coming home at 2:30am, 3am and 4am. Each of these has been a week night as well. So, I am home with D13 while w is out getting blasted. This morning I made the mistake of asking her where she was until 3am to which she gave me the "Your not my father, don't judge me" speech. She says we are separated and she will do what she wants and does not have to answer to a man, not now or ever again. However, then she proceeded to tell me what she did without me having to say another word. Who knows if it was a lie but I was surprised that she kept going. At the end she forwarned me that she is going out again on Saturday night and it will also probably be a very late night. I know the girls she is going out with, so I know it's not OM.

She is having a hard time visualizing a new marriage with me. She thinks my changes are temp. and that she will soon be miserable again. I asked her what she has to lose if we try. She says that her heart is not in it and it wouldnt work. So she continues to act in a manner that is damaging to our R.

She says that we need to be under separate roofs and that she is still looking for a place that will suit her needs. "Our only hope is to separate and see if that helps my feelings to return." To which I keep telling her that feelings follow actions, not vice versa. She also says she needs more space and time to process her feelings and figure things out. I have not brought up the A but I have engaged her in talks about the future. I read Sandi2 37 rules often but I am finding it impossible to follow them consistently.

All of my supporters are telling me that it's hopeless. They are all telling me to file for D and move on with my life. But I am not ready to give up. A big part of me wishes that I was but the truth is that I'm not. Everything I read here tells me that I will run out of patience at some point.. Like Starsky, he had a moment where he just knew he was done. I'm waiting and hoping for that moment.