Because I wondered if I really believed them and I was SHOCKED that I do believe them (except one) and then I felt sad that I was so shocked that I actually believe these nice things about myself (and more) and they are valuable and that value is simple. It's not like I'm Einstein and bring THAT kind of value to the world but the value I bring is still good, and that took me by surprise.
What was painful for you?
Ugh, this is really hard to type out right now... here goes...
"loving mother" was so hard for me to type. Not becuase I don't think I'm a loving mother, I do. And man, do I love that kid!!!! But the words "loving mother" was actually a consolation prize I gave to myself because I couldn't type "I am a great mom". Why? And I'm sobbing while I type this but because GREAT MOMS ARE GREAT WIVES EVEN IF ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILDREN AND DON'T HAVE HUSBANDS WHO WALK AWAY BECAUSE THEY ARE GREAT TO THEIR HUSBANDS!!!
Yes. I know that sounds crazy and isn't even rational. My mothering abilities are completely unrelated to my husband's husbanding abilities, I know this but that's what went through my head. Being a "great mom" includes being loving so that's a given but I couldn't type "great mom" because I don't feel I am so I downgraded myself to just "loving mother". Ugh. Yucky feelings about that big time right now.
What parts of your list did you suddenly question whether others would agree?
I'm not sure others would agree about my claim to be a good friend (only because I'm so confused about years of having friends who don't match my effort), not because I'm really not a good friend. I really am a GREAT friend.
I'm curious about your answers.
Take the night and just soak in what you wrote.
I am definitely going to do that. Who knew that 20 lines could stir so much hoopla inside of me and trigger my insecurities of motherhood. Well, maybe you knew. LOL I sure didn't.
