Continuing DBing after the affair

[sandi2]

You make some very good points. I agree about it being hard for the WAW to go forward when it relates to going forward in the M with her H.

She doesn't have the DBing language received here (I.e. The old M is dead. This will be our new M.), and it's very difficult for many of them to look at M with the same man being different Even if he has gone many months proving his changes, it is hard to trust him not to fall back into the old ways. And if her feelings of "want to" has stalled, where does she get the energy? she is scared the emptiness will remain.

Sometimes I think the WAW'S forgiveness may have be more difficult......or longer coming, than her H forgiving her of her waywardness and his self improvements. B/c of the length of time behind all that resentment and blame she held. It may seems pretty crazy to suggest such...considering the "degree" of her fall, and I don't mean to imply she's right. Just saying how it is with some. Her pain may, or may not, be comparable to his......IDK. Maybe it is differently defined. However, I do believe her journey is longer and harder. That may be argumentive, depending on the individual stitch, or VP. She has a lot of forgiving to do (of him, and of herself) letting go (of the past, the fantasy/unrealistic dreams of what may have been), repenting (getting her heart right), doing the right thing, withdrawing from the addiction of the A/OP, affair proofing/transparency/accountability, sometimes a pregnancy or STD, other fallout of her wayward lifestyle (ruined family/friend relationships), finding the energy to put the work into the M, make changes to improve the W she use to be before she was a WAW, and pray her feelings will return. Then she heads into piecing!