Ganb8te 2 - WAH - lost in translation

[gan]

Thanks so much, Zues. Truly great of you to share this experience. It's always been a bit of a dark secret so it is great to have this insight. Thank you.

You've reinforced a few things for me:

(1) "I was so disconnected I didn't even know I was suffering." Exactly. H says he's fine but looking on it doesn't seem that way. Every single family event is fraught with anxiety (and he has a family wedding coming up - that he's going to...alone). This used to be a source of open conflict for us but I backed off as it wasn't getting anywhere and I eventually figured out it was his issue to sort out. It's certainly impacted on our R, though he never could connect the dots between this issue and the ones in our M. It's also impacted on my relationship with his parents and wider family (they feel sad for me because he cut me off from them). It's also made it tricky for my parents too since MIL reaches out to all of us. On the plus side, she's told me I am still her DIL and she's not taking sides.

(2) "It wasnt until I hit rock bottom that I was forced to address this model for avoiding emotions." Yep, I do anticipate this little crisis could do that. He may manage to skip across the ice-covered pond and get to the other side without falling through this time…but I agree he will fall in at some point. I may drop the rope but I will still keep it nearby in case he wants to get pulled out!

Have you read up on Bowen family theory? There is some stuff in there on emotional cut off. It relates to my all time favorite topic of differentiation which I learned about in Passionate Marriage. It all fits together. I can see why we are in this place and how we need to grow.