It looks like your W and my W are currently living on the same resentment and anger planet. In my case, it consumes and I'm sure as you noted your W saying, exhausts her.
I agree with recognizing and validating some of the sources of the anger. I made many mistakes and wasn't as good a listener as I should have been during my M. I have acknowledged my mistakes and taken responsibility for them. Unfortunately it's a one way street in my R.
I think our W's are similar in that they are having difficulty to move forward. The pain that they feel is real and as you point out, there is no need to argue feelings.
I would think in your stitch, completely avoiding R talk would be best. I wonder if your W has any concerns about losing you? Watching from afar, it seems like your consistently present, and you've done so much work, apology letters, agreeing to MC, reading books, and generally working on yourself on a continual basis. I just wonder if your W feels like you will always be waiting? I'm not sure, and I know you mentioned you were close to packing it in. Maybe a bit more patience and a bit less Peter? Just a thought.
In my stitch, my W thinks she will be happier and all her problems will go if I'm gone. She may indeed be correct, but if she doesn't work on herself, it's hard to succeed. Is your wife doing IC? Or are you just doing the MC?
Not meant as a 2x4 Peter at all, just been reflecting a lot.
