Having a rough day today. Yesterday I felt a *little* at peace but today the sadness and thinking of H and how much I miss him and our old life together is back. Ugh. I just wish I could turn my old memories and plans for our future that may now never be off.

Going to see a Christian counselor for the first time this afternoon. I think I need that. I also need to talk to her about having S8 see a counselor, he is taking much too much of this on. The other night he told me "Mom, I love you and I'd give up my life if Dad would spend his with yours.", true story. I'm so sad he is hurting. I reassured him that this is not his to take on and that it he (and his siblings) did nothing to cause this but I know he's still wanting to fix it. He's a mini-fixer, just like his Mom apparently. Poor kid.

Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together