Wow, Shining, that was amazing! It is such a shame that it takes so many people so long and causing themselves and the people who care most about them so much pain before they can figure things out like your Ex seems to have done. I see much of what he talked about he had done in my W. She has told me that she ended every R she was ever in until she met me. Even broke off an engagement with one guy. I have watched her lose every friend she has ever had over the years because of some perceived "slight" and she would just stop being friends with them. How she talks about needing to be "in control" of her life but never feels like she has that control. How she says "That's just how I feel and I can't do anything about that", she doesn't seem to understand that she can control her reactions to her "feelings". It's like her world is ruled by her emotions and to me, that would be a horrible way to live!
Control is an illusion at best. There are just too many variables in this life that you just can't control and how other people think and act is the biggest of them all. If only the MLCer could just be able to sort this all out without destroying so much, hurting so many. All it does is delay the process IMO. There is no reason that they couldn't do this work on themselves and at the same time keep their R's intact. It's like they fight until there is no one left to fight but them self and until that time, they just can't face that what is "wrong" is inside. It cost your ex so much, his R with his kids being the biggest thing of all. He now understands that he can never get that back, all that he missed out on.
He is so right about how you stepped up for your kids. You were there for them, protected them the best you could and gave them the safety and security that that needed so badly. It doesn't seem fair that you now have to deal with much of the same from current H. He is so right that you should be proud of the woman you have become. You really are a hero!
