I feel a sense of calm. And an inner kind of ...smile.
Not a big, "haha, I knew you'd be sorry someday" kind of satisfaction at all. Just a peace of mind that everything worked out for the best.
I knew, even back when things were a war, that I never wanted my kids to have hatred toward their father. Even though I believed for a time that JR didn't deserve them in his life, I knew it would haunt the kids in their lives if they didn't create some kind of R.
I remember clearly, the conversation I had with JR years ago in a park, asking him to let us go and move out of state. I promised JR I would not get in the way of communications or impede his R with he kids. I reminded him that he knows me, and he knows darn well that's not how I operate. I asked him to please, let us go, give them time to heal. I promised him they would come back to him if he did this.
That's what happened. It truly happened. We all win because he let us go. And because I kept our garbage away from the kids. I wasn't perfect, I slipped up. But, I always got back on my path.
I repeat this often as a mantra, what I told the kids when they were young, that my fight is my fight. They can't have my fight. They could have their own...lol.
I told my kids that their R with their father was something they had to have, in some way, in order to heal. What that would look like was up to them. I explained it would probably not look like he R their friends had with their dads. But, there had to be a "place" for him in their hearts. And it was whatever they wanted it to be.
I tried to carry on the lesson of forgiveness that my dad taught me. It has gotten me far.
Time will tell, how true and lasting these changes are. I happen to believe they are. He really is not the same. He holds his face differently. It's hard to explain. His eyes are kind. He smiles now. He laughs at himself now. He used to get defensive and attack if anyone joked about him. Now he laughs.
He acknowledged that he is not perfect, and he slips up from time to time. He is aware of it now, and does what he can to fix things and move forward. He said he has to forgive himself and not beat himself up every time, just make efforts and learn.
APPLYING THIS TO DB PRINCIPLES: We completely detached. I put the focus on me and he kids. We GAL. He did 180s
It's amazing to see the growth of another person. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
