I'm sorry your friends have gone somewhat dark. It is what they do.
One theory, is that they simply do not know what to say. They are uncomfortable around you, but it is truly not because of you. It is due to their own fears.
Good, bad, right, or wrong.... Some believe it is "contagious." Some believe you may come after their H. Some pull back because they don't know who to believe, and are waiting until more truths are revealed. Some can not bear to see us hurting. Some are avoiding us because they think our M problems are all we want to discuss. Most, simply can not relate.
Similar to your chemistry parents.... Those who do not know chemistry, or that type of humor, will not be able to relate. It is not personal. It is simply not a shared experience that the friends can understand.
I have noticed throughout the different "phases" of my life, my relationships with friends have ebbed and flowed. When my kids were toddlers, some of my friends had not yet had kids. They couldn't relate until they had theirs. We were always friends, but spending time together wasn't always as natural as other times.
If you are comfortable bringing it up with friends, and set boundaries to have positive conversations and steer away from h topic, sometimes that's all that is needed.
I think my struggle many of these facts is simply that I wouldn't be this kind of friend to a friend of mine who was recently separated.
I can't imagine why it's acceptable to think I'd steal someone's husband or that it's contagious. These are outrageous to me and clear indications of pure lack of support and true friendship. Really?!
Another thing, and this one hits me deeply, I've been held to a VERY high standard of friendship my whole life by my friends and yet, for some reason or another, my efforts have not been matched. It's a reoccurring theme in my life so it's clearly something I am doing. I get that but I can't put my finger on what it is. I'm nothing if not THERE for my friends. I listen, I advocate, support and encourage. I make time even when I don't have it. I don't get the same in return.
I know there's a lesson here in all that and I know it's not "give less so you're not an effing doormat" but right now that's the lesson I'm hearing. It hurts.
As far as 20 great qualities about me that I KNOW to be true? I'll have to think about that while at work today. I'll get back to you.
Ganb8te,
You are so amazingly observant and astute. Yes. Mindfulness will probably help me immensely with my reactivity. What a great place to start! I'm running out of excuses.
Do you take your 15 minute walk daily? How do you feel when you can't squeeze it in? How do you carry the mindfulness into your day and into your reactivity? I'm really curious about that!
labug,
I just looked into an 8-week, self-guided, online mbsr class. I'm wondering though if it would be better for me to find a class I actually need to attend in person, like you said - sometimes we need a community to strengthen practice. Something to consider!
What amazing resources you all are. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it all. I need it so desperately to stir my mind and silence the negativity and anger.
Off to face another day with as much grace as I can muster.
