jim0987 #4 - strengthening my inner cat

[jim0987]

Thanks Ahoy

I do know that I can't say anything of the sort. In part its still hung up on the why didn't I realise and why didn't she talk to me merry go round. And yes I know its because she was too upset and sad to tell me calmly and I was too defensive to hear what she actually meant. But I'm hoping understanding will help me identify the right changes in my behaviour.

Wish I could see the route back to our M (and be confident I can trust her again)

Even though we share a house for the next couple of months while she buys somewhere, we have very little interaction not involving the kids. She can't stand to be in the same room as me and tolerates it just to be near the kids. If I accidentally come into physical contact (it happens with small kids) she flinches and retreats.

I haven't had an TM or email from her in over a month even though the only things I've sent relate to kid things (like applying for D3s school place). Man that's frustrating because this stuff is important, has a deadline and is not about our R. She has just added to the 'he's trying to control me pile'

Any night its not my turn to have the kids I'm going out. And on my nights if she is in - then I go for a run. She mostly stays in her room messaging someone.

She is 100% clear she wants out, denied OM, and then says its not about that. Which is partially/mostly true.

Her family and friends know about the A and have all encouraged it as 'she deserves to be happy'. No one sees it as an affair because she says it didn't start til a week after BD.

Sorry kind of gone off on one.

Right now I'm struggling to work out how to behave round my W. I want to build positive interaction in the hope of rekindling her attraction without pursuing or being a doormat. especially if she thought i was too distant in the past.

I think she thinks I moving on but its not even got close to giving her reason to reconsider her choices. I think she thinks ive given up on the M and that now I'm just out to hurt her.

She doesn't respect, love or find me attractive and I have no idea how to fix that.

So all in all it feels a bit of a tightrope walk.