I made it.....mostly :)

[mishka422]

It just feels like all of my own bad choices, disappointments, destroyed dreams are perpetuating themselves on my son now.

People ask "what are your goals?" "What do you dream of doing?" "What plans do you have for your future?". None. Zero. My pat answer is always "When I figure it out I'll let you know." It's a cover. I can't exactly tell someone that I stopped dreaming and making plans and goals for myself about 20 years ago because I realized they were foolish and unattainable. Very few people get anything they want out of life. Daily survival is hard enough without putting the added stress of trying to reach some arbitrary goal.

Yes, that sounds very defeated. I know. It stinks. Reality bites though so you either accept reality or live inside your head with dreams that will never happen no matter what you do to work toward them.

Marc will find a way. He may end up living with me forever but is that really so bad? With no further education he won't be able to do anything and he HATES school so he has no desire to go back...EVER. Maybe I can guide him toward a vocational school but he doesn't have any interest in doing those jobs. I hope he changes his mind soon or he'll end up in a job with a name tag asking if people 'want fries with that.'. Working fast food or something similar is certainly not the dream he had for his life. I just hate that he found out this early just how cruel life can be.