OK, here goes. T^2, do you know what I really fear most? I fear I'm caught in your situation - where you went thru this for 5+ years, you did everything right, and you still ending up with the divorce. Yes, I know this is why we get GAL, and work on changing us. But I want a happy ending to my story.
So....what exactly do you define as a happy ending ??
Is it merely getting the results that you want ??
Maybe you should ask T-deuce which version of himself he would choose ??
Originally Posted By: Wet
Why do I fear losing my W so much? It's not really losing my W that I fear, as I have already lost her by being separated for 16 months. It's losing US, the vision of US with our grandchildren, US over the holidays. US in better years together. Yes, a big chunk of it is our great family which is already split - d20 with me and little contact with W, and the youngest 2 children with W, and d17 having little contact with me. I fear that this split will get even bigger with OP in our lives.
I also fear the idea of ever getting back with my W. She has gone out with over 100+ men (conservatively) over the past 6 months. Who is this person? W is different and I am different too. Deep down, I know that W will be alright on her own, though I wish she needed me. But I don't see anyway we could ever get back together.
So I am sure you see the problem - I am afraid of change and of things not changing. I am comfortable now, and I equate change with bad things happening (June 15, 2013 when I lost my W, my children, my health, and my home was a real bad day). So I need to stop being Eeyore, and start seeing the hope that tomorrow can bring.
Wet, you confuse me...
One one side of the fence, you say that you fear the loss....
Originally Posted By: Wet
Yes, I love myself. I think I was the best husband that there ever was, and I see areas to continue improving myself. When I choose to end our m, I will find someone else (who will undoubtedly be spectacular) to share my life with. I do not fear that I will not be a great companion for someone else sometime down the road.
Yet, on the other side of the same fence, you talk of just replacing your spouse...
So, I am going to take you back to some seemingly basic questions here..
Do you Love her ???
What does Love mean to YOU ( not counting your role within a relationship) ??
What is the difference between Love and Obligation to you ??
What is the difference between Love and Guilt to you ??
Originally Posted By: Wet
Why do I have lingering "judgmental" thoughts/actions of my W's behavior? It's a good question (much better than q's about 'fear' ). I have accepted what my W is doing, but I also see how it hurts our children. A continuing prayer for myself is that I ask God to help me to be willing to forgive. For today, that is what I am doing.
I see your "judgement" on a couple levels here...
And that is why I keep asking you about it, and asking you to be aware of it.
Because I don't think that you see it, or maybe you do see it, and choose to ignore it (which is way worse)...
I see you as a score keeper, or maybe just keeping score now, like this is a win or loose situation. And the way that you defined the above, with your fears to T-deuce, this seems to be all about winning.
So what do you win if you finish this with a ring on your finger still ???
What do you loose if you finish this with a ring on your finger ???
Do you win if you start anew with somebody else ??
Do you win if you start anew with your current spouse ??
). I have accepted what my W is doing, but I also see how it hurts our children. A continuing prayer for myself is that I ask God to help me to be willing to forgive. For today, that is what I am doing. 
