Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
T2, Right now I work 52 miles each way (that's 104 miles on the road every day!) to and from work. I live between two big cities where most of the jobs are. My W moved 30 miles South, the direction I work in now. That can work because I'm going 52 miles south now. If I were to get a job in the city north that would be about 40 miles north each day to work and 40 miles back. If I had to add 30 miles each way south to take my D14 to and from school each day, that's now at least 140 miles. Even then with traffic and the time that my D14 would need to be at school in the AM, I doubt I could even come close to making it to work on time (by 9:00) after the 60 miles to school and back. I really want it to work and believe me if there is ANY way for it to work I'm more than willing to try. It's just so much road time. A lot depends on exactly how far the actual position I find is north. 40 miles just gets me to the city limit, if it's farther into the city it could be longer. But I also really need to make a living as if I don't my D14 can't live with me anyway with no electric or water!
FWIW, I chatted with my friend, who is doing pretty much what you would be doing with the driving, I wanted a boots on the TX ground perspective....
They said it IS doable...two choices...the driving, or, letting the house go and moving south, get a 2 BR apt or something and start over closer to your daughters school and life...
It's up to you to make it happen, either way.
If it were me? Seeing how my kids school and friends are a distance away, I've been considering moving closer into town after the D is final and some adjustment time for them (I have them full-time, so don't want to disrupt things for a while)
Have you asked your D's how important keeping the house is to them, or are you guessing?
Just my 2.5 cents...
Last edited by TSquared2; 11/04/1408:13 PM.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hi T2, This is what I've been considering.(Maybe selling the house once D is final) Keeping the house seems to be more important to D19 than D14. At this point D14 has been getting into being social with her new friends at her new school. This has been her coping mech. it seems. She tells me how her mom doesn't come home until late every night but that since when she is there she can walk to many of her friends homes and there are places where she can meet up with them she is enjoying the freedom. Of course, that's not good for her either as it's a bit too much of no one knowing where she is heading after school when she's with her mom. I have talked to her about selling the house and moving closer to her and her school and she seems OK with that. She's only 14 and she has been talking about wanting to be able to drive "soon" and how she doesn't need any adults around. She is trying to grow up faster now.
As for my D19, she is upset as she moved north and her mom has really stopped almost all interaction with her. She calls and we talk for 1/2 hour or more and she has told me when she calls her mom, she won't spend more than a couple min's on the phone every time and tells her she has to go. W has been trying to get D19 to move in with her but D19 wants no part of that. She wouldn't even have her own room and she gets angry that her mom is trying to tell her how to live her life and she see's her mom as not even knowing how to live HER life, let alone tell her how she should be living! D19 is a lot angrier at her mom than D14. D14 has said how she's "used" to her mom not doing anything with her and not being around. I think D19 wants to know that she has a place (other than with her mom) to go if she needs to. She is living with her boyfriend and they don't have much money and she's starting to see less of a future with him. The problem is if she lives with me she would need a car to get ANY job or go to college which she is planning on doing next year. I can't help her with that right now as I can barely make ends meet. I think this scares her. She wants that tie to her old life as she still has her room at home and has more stuff there then where she's living now!
So much depends on me getting a good job where I can make at least close to what I have been up until I started at this new job with a startup company. This has to be my first priority!
Matt165 I agree with T2 that it is very doable. When XW left we agreed to the same 50/50 time with kids and split of their expenses above and beyond what I pay her already. Just don't fall into the situation I've seen where my XW (or you)can't afford it. I keep having to supplement gas money and sometimes bill money. When deposited money doesn't even cover their negative overdraft you might just be stuck paying most of the kids expenses and not a 50/50 you agree to. We are able to spend our 50/50 time with kids fairly easy as time management goes and I think the kids are better off from it and I enjoy every minute of it.
It is expensive so just don't forget gas prices fluctuate. I think it's better than not seeing kiddos for sure. I don't want to discourage you cuz it works for us but will caution if either parent has to miss a function or kids time cuz of money the kids suffer most.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Hey Matt. I'm getting caught up w your sitch. I still have more to go. I guess you have been quite overwhelmed. I'm sorry to hear that. It is exciting that you have an interview coming up. From what I've read, it seems like our kids are handling things similarly. Your d20 shows more anger and frustration like my s17, and your d14 is more into the social scene like my d13.
Keep your head up, Matt. You have a lot going on. I have seen lots of progress with you. You are getting a handle on things. Good for you. And you got the digits! That's exciting. Even if you don't call, it is still a boost in confidence, right? Feels good!
Hi Matt! Catching up on your sitch, sounds like things are going a bit better for you and I am so glad to hear that. And getting the phone #? I agree, that must have been awfully awkward and yet also a nice boost to the self esteem (I think we could all use a little of that these days, right?).
I know how hard it is to have such a long commute. I used to do 50 miles each way myself for about a decade, I actually liked it because it gave me a chance to wind up or down for the day while I drove but it definitely can be expensive. Praying that you find a good solution there.
Good luck with your interview! I am praying for you!
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Thanks for the kind words whytry, Mighty and fth! It was a confidence boost getting the phone number. I haven't "dated" for 26 years! It's just so overwhelming with so much going on in my life all at the same time. Dealing with W's MLC and D, trying to find a new job, trying to take care of my D's and the effects of the D on our family, having literally no money, the IRS problems (which I have been neglecting as I try and find a new job!), having to ask my parents for (more) help...it's all so unrelenting! If I can just get some parts under control, one step at a time.
We are getting some really bad weather here tonight. It was 82 degrees today and a cold front came thru and it's down into the 50's and raining really hard, expecting flash flooding. So I get a text from D14 asking me to take her school because her mom "can't" and she would have to walk the 2 miles in this weather! I, of course tell her yes. Later I get a text from W telling me that D14 is out of lunch money and wanting me to re-load her lunch card. Here she brings home over $1,000 a week ...after taxes, I can hardly pay for my utilities and gas. So, I text her back that I'm sorry it ran out and I hope to be able to add more soon when I next get paid (she knows how my pay works). I added that I would like to "borrow" the iron she took when she moved out as I have a job interview Thursday and need to have a clean shirt to wear. So, she texts back that she already added money and it was fine for me to take the iron when I picked D14 up for school tomorrow. I thanked her and she even texted back that she left it by the door so I would know where it was. No continuing spew about how she has to pay for D14's lunches as in the past. I'm glad as I really didn't need that tonight. Of course no asking about job or why I'm interviewing somewhere else (I haven't let her know how bad things have become financially as of late. I'm sure D14 has filled her in somewhat though) but at least she was nice about the iron and not pushing about the lunch money.
Thanks for the support everyone. One day at a time.....
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Good luck with the interview! I have my paws crossed for you:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
