jim0987 #4 - strengthening my inner cat

[jim0987]

To be honest I'd ask them what was wrong and if there was anything I could do. If they gave me a sign they wanted to talk then I would do that, trying to reassure them.

Then I'd try to cheer them up with silliness. And if that didn't work I'd leave them to it because I wouldn't want to end up being dragged into a mood with them. Maybe thats not compassionate enough. Actually that would probably seem callous and uncaring.

I gave up on even this a long time ago with my wife because she always just said she was tired. I know she was tired but I took over on the kids the moment I walked through the door to do the best I could to help. I suppose it was a NG covert contract - I would have liked an acknowledgment that I was doing my best rather than being criticised for the fact I have to work. She probably wasn't criticising but that'd how I took it.

Even though i recignise this now i'm still feeling quite bitter at the moment. I've been roundly ignored for 3 years, emotionally shut out while at the same time being held responsible for her happiness. it turns out I suck at be 100% of a depressed persons support network especially when they won't open up to me or help me to understand what they need. (I do know I did plenty wrong and didnt properly listen when she did try to tell me

right now my W feels trapped here at home and just 'wants me to leave and never ever come back' (she told MIL this in front of D3) and 'she can't stand that she has to pretend to be nice just to keep me civil' (found this when I snooped a few weeks back). So either she has a very warped perception of me or I am way worse than I thought.

She doesn't want to interact with me at all but then seems more cross if im distant (reinforces callous and uncaring). Being positive has got a better response from her but leads to angry outbursts from her but that takes a lot of effort if I'm on a down day. To be honest everything I do seems to make her cross and reinforce her hatred in one way or another.

So as I said I'm a bit confused by it all.