I've dropped the rope....

[Sotto]

Pretty good day yesterday. Did some work in the morning, then IC in the afternoon and a class in the evening - GAL day.

At IC, we did some work on family trees - sketching out mine and H's tree. On his, we included his exW - which was no problem at all - she and I get along fine.

Counsellor then asked - where should we put AP? "Nowhere!" I said. We had some discussion about her clearly being a part of his life at least for now. But I still didn't want to put her on the tree.

Brought it home to me that she may be the one in future who plays with 'my' nieces, welcomes the in-laws etc - that was hard to think about.

Then I remembered that relationships formed in lies and deceit are unlikely to succeed - so she may end up not getting to know H's family anyway.

I struggle with the unfairness of it all really. If we are 'good' then 'good' things will happen to us - won't they? But I feel she has been 'bad' - but a 'good' thing is happening to her isn't it?

Then I thought long term, and some of the things that she will & I won't have to live with:

*I won't have to live with the fact I have been unfaithful
*I won't have to live with having told lies to someone I love
*Or having contributed to the break up of someone else's family
*Or having pursued my own happiness at the expense of others

So, I came round to the view that - whilst I may not be very happy now - and "bad" things are happening now, at least I have maintained my integrity, self-respect and been honest. And that may mean that "good" things may happen going forwards.

So, I guess the IC helped process all of this, which was useful! :-)