Hi yes I am and I have an update. Heard from WAW. Late last year we had made arrangements for a mutual friend to fly in and visit some sites he's always wanted to see. Well then the divorce bomb came and the last 6 months transpired but his trip was already planned. He lives in Alabama and since the WAW moved to Florida her and her friend visited him down there. So anyway he came up and I showed him around. Well after he left WAW texted me and thanked me for keeping my promise to her and taking him. Well while he was here he told me that WAW was telling him on the phone that she was unhappy. This really rubbed me the wrong way so I told WAW that it unnerves me that she was telling everyone but me that she was unhappy in our marriage so I could've fixed things before it was too late. Well we didnt argue but we did have a lengthy discussion which ended once again with me telling her that we should just not talk because we keep having the same coversation over and over again.
She said shes afraid of the past and afraid of the future. She said shes was a wreck over the weekend our friend wad here because she knew how hard it would be for me to take him to places WAW and I would always go together. She said that she has to believe if we are truly meant for each other that she needs to let God lead us back to each other. She said that she believes that we will find each other again if its meant to be. She said I'm in Florida not Siberia. She said shes still a mess and that she realizes now that if she didnt allow herself to be manipulated and used by OM that things might've turned our different. She said she was sorry. I told her we are beyond apologies at this point as they've already been made weeks ago. We ended the conversation with me telling her that all these people she confided in should've had enough sense to tell her to talk to her husband as opposed to letting her run off with the junkie scumbag. Then we agreed we should just resume silence between us.
The convo was over text for a couple days. I last spoke to her October 28. So thats my update...the condensed version but most of what we talked about was stuff she's said a gazillion times before...I need to do this for me...I need to stay in my safe haven and let the dust settle...if I had come back to you you would've looked like a chump to OM and I wouldn't allow that...etc etc.
I will keep updating you all as things unfold. But it was a contact initiated by her. I hope everyone here is well!!
Last edited by ItHurts; 11/05/1405:07 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I'm no super vet but good job! Doesn't sound like a backslide, and that's huge. That type of 'if its meant to be our paths will cross' would infuriate me, it just seems so dishonest somehow. But then id get over it by realizing that she just isn't ready to grow up and do her half of the work to make a M work. If that's the case at least she's basically admitting it. "I'm too weak to not medicate/avoid conflict/change so I have accepted that I will lose my M over it unless somehow it happens without effort or discipline on my part". What can I say. You can't fix her.
How have YOU been doing? How has your life changed? Lets face it, many M dont get restored, any positives for you through this process?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hi Zues, Yeah I dont see it as a backslide at all...she initiated contact and I had no intention of contacting her...in fact I never plan to. She can contact me or we just won't talk...I really dont care at this point...whatever.
I am doing well...been going out a lot and keeping busy focusing on my own life. The more time that passes the more I find myself knowing WAW is going to regret all of this. So I just do my thing and don't really think much about talking to her...she wants to talk, she contacts me or forget it...I will never initiate contact again barrong something serious like death or something. Other than that she can do whatever she wants at this point. I just dont care and I am fine because I have my own life now and I am actually enjoying hanging with old friends. Its weird because a lot of people I used to hang out with back when I first met WAW are also recently divorced...must be something in the air here this year. But its nice because there's lots of people to go out with now plus I am meeting new people as well. So all is well with me and I am just living my life day by day.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
ItHurts, glad to see you're still posting. It might sound strange but I actually look for your posts every so often. Things didn't take long in your sitch so I still feel like there is opportunity. But I know that's all in her hands at this point.
From reading your post from earlier this week you seem surprised and angry that she is still telling the same old story with the same excuses. Do you think you were hoping things would have changed by now or is it just that her reasons don't make sense. I can completely relate. My BD was over a year ago now but every conv. about sitch always draws back to "maybe I should have talked to you and maybe I should have talked about counseling before just leaving but its too late now." Makes me bonkers to hear it.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Hi Bunches! I am happy you enjoy reading my posts but I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say "things didn't take long" in my sitch" and that you feel there's "opportunity." Yes it sounds like you are hearing the same type of things I hear. That things might've turned out differently if OM didn't mess up her head and take advantage of her vulnerability, as she calls it...yet still maintains the whole "I need to clear my head."
She also didn't like that I told her that all these people who knew what that POSOM was doing should've said something to ME before it was too late. It would've started a dialogue between her and I and perhaps things would've been different. So I told her her support system of people stunk. Not one of them told you to avoid an alcholic, junkie and instead TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND! Sorry, that's kind of common sense to me. Her reply was only that OM is the one responsible for his actions and no one else. So that was a source of contention between us during this recent conversation as well.
Here's some paraphrased quotes from WAW during this recent exchange "I'm here to fix me for ME, I'm not here to fix me for you" "I need to be in a relationship from a place of strength and confidence...if I came back to you back then it would've been out of fear and desperation and you deserved better than that and so did our marriage. I didn't have that then so I had to get away from it all so I could work on me, without anyone's expectations to distract me." She also mentioned that she doesn't like that I am "telling" her she made a mistake. So I had to clarify that I wasn't telling her...I said it was just my opinion. That maybe I'm wrong and she'll meet some dude and have something even better than what we had. She replied to that with "What we did have was rare. I'm a raw edge these days.I'm scared and confused. I've been through hell with my emotions and i don't know what to say. I don't have the answers right now. Maybe you are right. Right now though I have to have faith that God is leading us both where we're supposed to be. So please don't be angry or bitter. I'm f*****d up! That piece of s**t (re:OM) f****d me over soooo bad and I am still trying to sort out my head. Again I'm not 100% me yet. Scare of the past, scared of the future."
So yeah, that's what I get from her. Some of what she says I get, some of it not so much. But whatever, she's going to do whatever she's going to do. It's weird, I think back to how I felt when I first started posting here and how I feel now that it's all pretty much gone down here in all my threads...since late Spring until now...from WAW and I still living together intially after the bomb to me being alone those last two months in the old apartment...to me moving...the actual divorce...and of course the Florida move...time sure has flied by here on the boards for me...even though it felt like those two months in old apartment were like 3 years!! Now it's all already gone down, with the last big thing being her move to Florida...and now that it's over it is starting to feel like "old news" if you will, which shocks me a bit. Then I think it's been almost 6 months already since the Hiroshima went off my living room one miserable Sunday.
Every now and again I still tear up, but it's at a point now where, I guess much like WAW said herself, I am leaving it in God's hands in terms of what the future brings. I really don't see us reconciling...however I really didn't see us ever getting divorced either...and you all know how that turned out.
Anyway, it's not often I can type lengthy posts like this one because I am usually on my phone now so I try and keep it short. At least you guys have some details of what WAW and I were talking about last week. For now, as far as WAW goes...que sera sera.
Last edited by ItHurts; 11/10/1407:38 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hey Guys. Just checking in. Still not a peep from WAXW but I'm writing because for whatever reason I have had a very rough couple days thinking of her. Crying again. I really thought these days were behind me but now I feel I'm getting weak again. I miss her so. It's really weird because I've been fine for so long now and all of a sudden the past couple days she's back in my mind and I am realizing how much I miss her. So I'm just venting here. I will as always keep you guys posted if anything happens. I think I feel this way again because I have this weird feeling that contact from her is imminent. In any event I hope everyone is doing well dealing with their sitches. I am remaining strong and under no circumstances will I contact her or anything...just feeling down again and I am a bit disappointed because I thought I was beyond this.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi All, Just updating you. Haven't posted because nothing has happened. I still haven't heard from WAW since I last wrote above. Hope you all are well.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Been missing WAW a lot lately, like reality has sunk in...don't think she'll ever come back now guys. I did hear that she talks to my aunt about once a month and she asks about me which is kind of weird. Anyway just checking in and hope everyone is well!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi everyone. Well I need some advice. Today is XWAW'S birthday and I am debating if I should continue to maintain no contact or if I should send her a text wishing her a happy birthday. Really not sure what to do so I'm hoping Sandy or Mr. Bond will share some wisdom. Also my Xmother-in-law started "following" me on Facebook yesterday morning which I think is a bit odd since she unfriended me months ago...any insight as to why she would do this all these months later? Thanks guys.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
