Thanks again for your wisdom of experience. Like shining, I feel like you get me, and that is an awesome feeling!
I have looks into divorce support groups but they are in a location and a time that is impossible for me to attend. I joined another meetup group for people separated and newly divorced but they've not had a meetup yet. I am not a member of a church. I'm not religious (though raised Catholic) but I am spiritual. I have an on again off again meditation practice that I'd like to cultivate more but always seem to find a reason to put it off.
I thought divorcecare was a Christian based thing, is that correct?
I know a lot (perhaps too many) of photographers in the area, lots of moms (though, strangely none divorced), have an avid yoga practice (but have trouble meeting people there)... But I still feel alone.
I spent three hours with a friend this morning while she complained about work. It's like once I say "we're separated", we talk about it for 10 minutes and we move on, never to talk about it again. It's like the topic of taboo. Ok, then.
A mom friend at my daughter's karate dojo is new to CA and is interested in trying yoga. I'm taking her to my yoga class tomorrow. That should be fun. I'm looking forward to that!
So I'm making friends. I'm not sure what the heck is up with the friends I have. I'm sick of the "wounded bird" looks I get and the "sorry, babe" statements and then the immediate change of subject. Although to let's face it, maybe not talking about it is good but It's like they've all forgotten about me completely. I don't get it. If I were a different me, I'd ask them about it.
I can put my marriage on a shelf for now. It's much easier when I'm not in contact with him or seeing him. Drawing that boundary will be big for me and really help me.
I want to find my self worth without other people finding it and pointing it out for me. Then I just see what others value in me. I need to find what *I* value about me. I'm excited about that work. I'm excited to decide who I am, what I stand for and to find my actual strength, not the fake it till you make it strength. These intrigue me and feel like things I can do so well but distance and detachment from H is crucial in that for me.
I am a pretty cool chick, too! I just need to find out why *I* think so.
I am taking classes, I plan to do some traveling, I'm making some new friends, trying new things, saying yes more and saying no more.
I am doing better. Today is the first time in a while that I've felt like ME.
I know I'm supposed to be here. I know that without a doubt. I can handle my own pain. It's the marriage pain I can't handle alone. So I'll put that away for now. Pick it up later.
I am willing to take the leap of faith but the faith is on me, not on our marriage, because I'm losing faith in that, big time.
In other news, did you know that wisteria seed pods EXPLODE when they are ready to disperse? Well, they do so I literally have thousands of seed pods exploding next to me. My daughter is fascinated and my dog is terrified. It's making for a very interesting evening.
