uR, yes, i am strong but I am also in a hurry. I want to not feel this way immediately and I hate that it comes in waves and fits and starts.
I was ok yesterday and today I'm feeling more sensitive and vulnerable.
I feel completely abandoned by my friends. It's almost like I'm being avoided. I know it's uncomfortable for some but I'm human and could use support and people to lean on. I'm just not getting that and it's more of a reminder of how alone I feel.
It's only Tuesday and I have a NC plan until Sunday when we go to Ds tournament (with the exception of planning for the day). I need that time away but it's hard with my BFF and everyone else seemingly off duty.
This place is all I have and man do I need it. I lose perspective FAST be need to read and hear support to get me off the reverse path.
Just when I feel like I'm able to put my marriage on a a shelf I look in the mirror and see how sad I am and how lost I feel and I can't do it yet. I want to though, because i want to move forward.
I feel like putting it on a shelf means I can take it or leave it. That's not what it means though, right? What does it mean?
I'm putting the idea of fixing my marriage down for now, like you said. No more marriage books. No more focusing on H's outlook. I need to fix me and I know it's a slow process.
I need to dig deep and find my strength, it's there somewhere. I'm much more emotional since BD and I'm misinterpreting that as being weak. Crying isn't weak; it's processing and mourning. But there needs to be a point where I do it and move on. I'm tired of dwelling.
