The Goddess and GUBU: Square Dancing at the Triple GGG Ranch

[GoatGal]

So a bit of a low point today...

I don't know why, but grocery shopping is emotional for me. It's hard to get used to not buying things that H likes, and because my appetite and motivation are low, I find myself buying this junk that I would never eat before.
I get crappy frozen microwave meals, convenience foods, comfort foods. I am just barely maintaining my current weight and it's not good. I find I'm just trying to get fast calories in.
Yes. I know I deserve better and I do cook for myself, it's just easier sometimes to nuke something and eat it mindlessly in front of the TV.

So I'm in the store, watching all these couples, young and old, shopping together, talking and laughing, and I'm feeling...sad. Sad that my partner doesn't want me anymore.
And yes. Feeling sorry for myself.

Next I'm in the aisle to buy a card for my best friend who just became a grandmother. She is over the moon. So it's "Congrats on your Baby Girl" cards, all bright and happy about the future.

And here's me. Never adopted the kids I thought I might because H finally decided "NO KIDS". Not even a foster or fresh-air fun kid for the summer.

I am feeling cheated and discarded. And my eyes drift to the Anniversary cards... "To my Wife", "To My Husband"... then it's "Happy Thanksgiving!" and even "Merry Christmas"...and at this point I'm ready just to leave my cart and walk out of the store.

I am trying to keep from tearing up, doing all my silent affirmations, holding my head up, focusing on the bright side, and I manage to continue shopping without becoming a blubbering mess.

I get to the checkout counter and wonder where the clerk has gone to.
--------------------------------------------------------------

She's in the adjacent aisle, helping a severely disabled man check out his items.
He had limited use of most of his body; she had to get out his wallet to get his credit card, organize his groceries on his cart.

And I had a reality check. Here I am, Goat Gal, feeling sorry for myself when here is this man who can't even lift his arm to get out his wallet!

I was ashamed of myself.

I looked for him afterwards to see if he needed assistance getting his items into his vehicle and wondering how on earth he was going to do that alone.

Turns out, he has to ride his motorized wheelchair down a busy street with no shoulder or sidewalk, hoping he doesn't get run over, to his residence somewhere down the road.

Where's that "Gratitude Thread"? Because it's days like these when I realize that even those of us who are in the worst sitch EVER have it great compared to this person, who, as it turns out from a sticker on his chair, is a Veteran.

HE has my gratitude and I wish I could have told him.

Oh, and I am also grateful for all the women who came before me, the Suffragists and advocates for equal rights for women, because it is only because of their efforts that I had the right to vote today.

And vote I did.





---(G)GGG