Hello... This is hard because its barely been a week since they day my husband says he thought we needed a divorce. We've had very little interactions and he has not stayed at our house since that day. I've implemented the LR and am happy to say that at least I've had a lot of personal growth. I have faith that this will work and I know that I will forever continue to work on myself, however...I still, of course have panic and worry days.
We've only talked once after he dropped the D and I have to say I did some of the wrong things...though I feel like I got mixed results. I did ask him what he'd been thinking and he said that he felt we did not have the natural chemistry a couple is supposed to have...that we never really did. Now...we met in high school and started dating in our teens. We dated for 9 years and have been married for almost two.
One of the things he's mentioned is that he feels like we never explored ourselves as adults on our own, because we were together. That was my biggest clue that this was an MLC situation. I feel as if his thought are all "what if?" He doesn't say he's miserable, but that he is just content. that he would be "ok" but doesn't feel like himself and he doesn't want to be content, he wants to be happy.
I mean he mentioned that there are things, which I know I had to improve because I hadn't been myself, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post - I've had a lot of personal growth in this short week. I took many things for granted...and I didn't do things that somewhere in the back of my mind I needed to do...for myself!! I know that "fixing things" doesn't solve our situation, but it is essential in my and our growth.
His main thing is that he feels we are not compatible and don't have natural chemistry. He even mentioned a friend from my college days who he noticed I had great chemistry wit and who he thinks I may have dated if I hadn't been in our relationship, but at the time he just found it interesting but it didn't matter, we were together and knew we wanted to be. I find this interesting now..sure with it off and had chemistry...maybe we would have dated if I'd been single - but I know that I wouldn't have entered into a marriage with him. A big part of that was certain rather extreme views he has that I just do not agree with - and I do not see us helping each other grow.
I think one of the reasons my husband and I attract each other is just that - we don't share tons of interest, we have different views on things that actually helped us open up, become better people, help each other become fulfilled and happy...but all he sees is "We share hardly any interests at all and we have no chemistry..."
He even says he doesn't think we ever had the chemistry he, I suppose, has seen in other couples...he's very observant that way, about the microinteractions of others. It saddens me because I remember how often he said people didn't understand ho linked we were, that although we were young we didn't need others in our lives because we knew we would help each other become the best of us we could be. I even have tons of old emails were he says this multiple times, different days...
I have faith and am working on bettering myself and doing the most for my marriage but one thing is pressuring both of us in the wrong way...we bought a house last year and, because at this point he feels divorce is our outcome, is adamant about getting it on the market. This [censored] because neither of us can afford it on our own...we are young and really at the beginning of our professional careers...and I know I cannot afford it on my own. We would have to sell. He also had a plan to joins friends in a lease which would begin in two months and then he certainly couldn't afford it either, especially paying for two homes. I have no argument for wanting to hold on to the house and honestly, anything I say about not being ready to put it up yet is going to sound like I'm doing it to get revenge on him or retain him. which isn't the case. I'm ready to let him live what ever it is he needs to live through and want to have a home for us to be in when this time has passed. Since this lease will happen in the next couple of months he wants to get rid of the house as soon as possible...I don;t want to sound like a mindless, limp noodle simply agreeing to all he wants...but I also know that I cannot keep the house and that his MLC may last more than 2 months.....
He texted me this morning asking about me working out some issues with family that he thought affected our marriage. I kept it all about me and did't make any mention of us, just said I'd talked to that family member and was proud of my growth because I was able to fave her about the issues we'd had. He told me was proud of me. Then a little later he let me know he's coming by tonight after work to "talk about some stuff" I got very excited but also know that it may not be a good thing...but it could be. I think he has noticed the positiveness and growth I've gone through.
I am also scared about what may happen, and am doing my best to be ready for whatever he may throw at me.
Any thoughts or words are appreciated...and thank you for reading though my story
