Hi, have you read any parenting books about splitting up? There are some really helpful ones out there. It would probably help if you and your W read the same ones so you can coordinate your parenting. I don't know if she'd be open to that.
When your kids are disrespectful of your W they are expressing anger at the split so rather than telling them to stop, tell them to redirect their frustration while using more respectful language.
I would also sit them down one on one and for a family meeting and be really honest with them about things, what your hopes are for the relationship, what the limitations are, and say that while you appreciate their suggestions, what's going on is between their mom and you and that you are doing the best you can.
I have a lot of anxiety about my kids too (though their behaviors are different) so I've spent a lot of time talking to adult children of divorce. The most common thread was how frustrated they felt by not understanding what was happening to their families. So to the extent you can be clear with your kids that will help a lot with their anxiety and frustration.
I would also get them in to counseling. In our district the school guidance counselor has been a tremendous resource, so if you have one that's a good place to start.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you understand what she would say your marital issues have been?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
