Her "needing" me made me feel like I was irreplaceable.
So you had some self-esteem/ego/pride tied to her needing you it sounds like. I get that, I did as well. Her telling you, and showing you by moving out, that she doesn't WANT to "need" you anymore probably left a big gaping wound...us guys are genetically wired for that provider/protector role.
So here you are with this big empty space in your ego/self-esteem that W previously filled. You "depended" on her to fill that space, gave her control, because....
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It has to be bc I feel like W won't love me unless I was there to take care of her. It's funny bc I have a healthy ego, except when it comes to women.
So is the REAL fear, the core FEAR behind that... do you fear that you are unlovable by women, not just your W, but all women?
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I still fear my W finding me as someone who is not worth loving.
Do you love yourself?
If not, why??
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So one part of my brain tells myself I am funny, charming, intelligent, thoughtful and a really pleasant person to be around. Yet, this wasn't enough for my marriage.
Some of that is mind-reading...only W knows the real core truth, if even she does... thing is, she may not even know, but just "feels" like this is what she "needs" to do (my stbxw's words).
The important question is... are you afraid that underneath it all, that YOU are not enough?
Do you think that's driving the lingering judgemental thoughts btw?
That's enough for now. I'm interested in your responses.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
