Need help. Jefe's confused pt 4

[Jefe]

Hi Jefe,
Hello
I am in a horrible place tonight. Tonight is Pool League night and she has the day off, so my mind is wandering and my PMA not very good. But, I'll live.


I’m glad you posted the text messaging between you and your wife. There is no such thing as random communication if your spouse is initiating it.

So my first question is: Who initiated the conversation?
She initiated it about 5 minutes after she left the house yesterday.

If it was your wife then let's get to work.

I find the topic interesting. “Change all the clocks in the house please.”

This is the type of message you expect the day before daylight savings time or the morning of daylight savings time. But it is odd on the Sunday of daylight savings time. Especially when she came to the house that evening and was able to see if the clocks had been changed.

Just out of curiosity…in the past has your wife displayed a particular fascination with daylight savings time? If not, why didn’t you question this question?
Honestly, I found it random in an odd sort of way, but not extremely out of the question for her to request I do it, but odd the request on a Sunday night after the fact and especially when it really does not affect her that much. I know for a fact that of the 2 clocks that have to be changed she was looking right at one when she was there. The other is in our bedroom.

Always take a second look at behavior when it isn’t part of normal patterns for that person.

The next text messages are also interesting. Please read them again.

9:00 PM
W: Thank you for the socks
W: Still on the hunt for the umbrella (we need a second "Disney" one for D5, our Wally World only had one)

If you and your wife were not estranged…would these sentences be conversation starters? Under “normal circumstances” what would a “normal conversation” look like if she would have sent these text messages?
They seem pretty normal for her in our daily life prior to the separation.

The reason I ask is because your wife is not divorce busting. She will continue to engage in familiar behavior patterns. Which means if the above was a “normal” conversation starter in your relationship before it became strained...she may be attempting to engage you in a “normal” conversation.

What about the 9:12 PM text conversation and the one today at 7:40 AM?
Both of these seemed out of context and pretty random. I even questioned the morning one. We would have talked about the job schedule the night before back in normal life.

To you these are boring exchanges. But there are people on this web site who haven’t heard from their spouses at all. There are others who only receive hostile communication.
I absolutely realize this. And normally I'm receiving hostile communication too.

But you are engaging in “boring” communication on a regular basis with your wife. Please take notice of this. Especially when it appears that your wife is looking for conversation starters.

The only way we will know if she is trying to engage you in conversation is to test the waters.

The next time she starts a conversation—respond conversationally.

For example:

W: Thank you for the socks
M: How could I resist? It’s getting cold and I want your feet to stay warm!
W: Still on the hunt for the umbrella (we need a second "Disney" one for D5, our Wally World only had one)
M: Oh come on! I can find a Disney umbrella. Make it a challenge. Give me the “Disney” character you really want.
For her, this was some large symbol of "Acts of Service" for the girls. I just let her run with it. She continued the hunt this afternoon. I was happy to let her do it as she is starting to show some real concern about the girls, finally.

If she really just wanted to thank you for the socks she will respond appropriately.
True. I just found it odd that of all the stuff I sent with her, it was the socks that peaked her interest.

W: Well, anyways, thanks.

But is she is attempting to start a conversation she will respond conversationally. The same with the umbrella. If she is giving you instructions—“We need this item”—Her response will be:

W: Any Disney umbrella is fine. (Which…by the way…isn’t true. Every child has their favorite Disney character and your wife knows this.)

Studies show women are verbal creatures. They use more words than men. If she wants to talk she will continue the conversation. If she doesn’t—she will shut it down. But if she wants to talk and you shut it down, she will stop talking.

So let’s find out if she is trying to talk to you.