I know the feeling of Halloween and the anticipation of the holidays coming up. Try your best to make them your own. Do something different with your girls. For me, living in the moment was best. Sometimes it took so much energy to plan things, so follow-through could be difficult. But it was always good. Even if you feel that emptiness or sting, each time you do it, it will get easier and that feeling becomes less.
The anger part... it took me a long time to get there. I still get it in waves. I don't know for how long... but I did go through a period. For the longest time I was just so sad. And I was soooo incredibly sad for xh. I mean, like totally. Even after I was nuked, 8 months after bd, I was so sad for him! It's pretty weird what we go through. I guess trying to digest that they are going through something so weird. When we care about someone so much, it is hard to find where your feelings belong.
Not tying to hijack, just expressing my understanding, fwiw. I'm sorry you are going through this. When I read about someone enduring this painful stuff, it really breaks my heart. It is tuff stuff.
Have a good week, Gwen. Keep your head up. Make some cool pre-Thanksgiving plans! Can't wait to hear what you come up with!
