Is it too late?

[123Gwen]

I wish I could stay angry at H if only to give me some fuel to detach. I don't want to detach in an angry manner but this sadness is more of an obstacle. I think a little bit of anger at the situation would be helpful. I'd it that I feel less deserving or unworthy? Logically I know this isn't about me and H said that numerous times but I feel like damaged goods.

GAL is still a challenge. I am getting out there but I have yet to feel much of a spark. Is this normal? Right now I think "I am faking it until I make it." -- I am taking small steps but some days I admit I am scared to leave the house. This sadness is like a weight.

I keep thinking H is unwell then I think he is with OW and just a cheater but deep down I honestly believe he is in MLC. It was if he flipped a switch and ceased to be the man who was honest or cared about his kids. I am bewildered that he literally morphed into a stranger and talks to nobody except OW. He left everything and everyone behind. He says he wants a separation yet he will not respond to any letter or call from my attorney.

I know this is just me ranting but I am feeling overwhelmed and the fear can be paralyzing. H must be in turmoil to just walk away from all of us.