1. Birthday week-end. I do have real plans and they work better without the kids so I'm not going to change them. I wanted to clarify to her that I did not make plans to spite her, mirroring when the same situation happened to me. It's too much? Yes it's too much. Say you're "Sorry but" can't change these plans as they were made quite some time ago..." and MAYBE "hope you can find someone to watch the kids"...that's the most I'd express regret for her not wanting the kids on her birthday.
If the kids have seen the OM four days and one morning during their week with her, it tells me she doesn't need me to babysit to sleep with him.
2. Lunch. There are a few things that I want to discuss with her, including better coordination around the kids, so I actually wanted this lunch too. Last lunch was 5 weeks ago. I have to admit that I don't feel ready today (that's why I declined) but my mood can swing dramatically every half-day so I think Wednesday or Friday could work. "can't today. X & Y work for me. Do either work for you?" Make NO mention of her mind reading/baiting you about how you MUST not want any lunches with her b/c you omitted suggesting another day...Geez.... (Is there an emoticon of an eye roll? I need it!)
I have my boundaries but I don't want my wife to think that I'm difficult when I'm really not trying to be. It's part of my 180 to be very kind to her, never to get upset or lend her intentions. I want her to see that I've changed, that I'm truly collaborative and kind. That's why I explain a bit why I said things that might upset her. Too much?
I get the 180 point and the need to show change b/c before all this, you were not so considerate. That's legit.
But as described above, you're showing enough change. Don't get into becoming a doormat to compensate for previous steamrolling, b/c it's not like it evens things out for you to be mistreated NOW b/c you mistreated her before.
Treat her right, & with warm respect. Expect the same. The End...
make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
