I took the liberty of pasting Theoden's post to Jefe here because it might help you out. (Sorry, Theoden!) Theoden has been on this board since '07, so he's seen a lot.
"Sorry you are going through this hell. It totally [censored]. My prayers are with you.
I did all the things you are doing here: filling my wife's love bucket, being super nice, trying to change myself.
It didn't work. Not while she was having an affair. My pursuing behavior turned her off.
This is pursuing behavior. It goes against Divorce-Busting 101 and basic male/female dynamics. You are pursuing her WHILE she's having an affair. Consider that you are enabling your wife to cake-eat (benefit from having a loving, supporting husband AND another lover). You are acting like her plan B. Why should she choose? She isn't afraid of losing your love or having her little apple cart upset by you. You're the nice guy giving her what she wants. It's also true what women aren't attracted to men they don't respect.
Think about it.
Theoden"
---(G)GGG
PS: Apologies to Theoden for stealing your thunder but I didn't know if you'd have time to post to these guys yourself!
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
