Ok, so today was shi!!ty, but not, but it was?? IDK?
I'm still all weepy. Not sure why?
This morning, I opened up my Abandonment book and re-read the first few pages. It reminded me to stay in the moment. So, that's what I focused on this morning. Cried a little on my way to work. Just need to let a little out.
So, I pull it together...get to work. I'm in the best shape I've been as far as production of the newspaper is concerned. I'm working on my layouts...putting pieces into place...
Still feeling sad. I've been like back to ol' Heather...waiting for a text message. All weekend, that's what I've been like...waiting for a text message from Smokey. WTF?
Well, I got one.
Around 10 a.m. I get this evil text message.
Smokey: I take it your not going to pay the car insurance for your new car as it hasn't been paid yet . so I'm preparing to drop it off the policy leaving you uninsured . It was due in Oct and still has not been paid .
(I transcribed the text, grammatical errors and all--he's always all over the place with periods and so forth)...
Well, I'm about to burst into tears because I'm all emotional for some reason. I react.
Me: Yes, because why would you want to help me drive D12 around in a safe vehicle? That would be out of character for you.
Smokey: Are you gonna pay it ? When ?
Me: After I pay our $1250 per month rent. Friday. Let me know when you plan to send more than $200 in child support. That would help.
Then, just to show how all over the place I am...I added...
Me: Thanks for the package. I appreciate it.
Cuz, I needed to add some desperation in there for ol' times sake.
Smokey: Ok dropping the car those pr
(not sure what that was supposed to say?)
Smokey: The jeep is still covered.
Me: The jeep isn't running. Don't bother.
Smokey: I don't have any money to send it's all being utilized to clean the house up and get it on the market . have to redo the bathroom. New tub toilet sink paint the interior and apparently the vanity.
Me: Maybe you could drop the Jeep for now? (Thought I'd make an effort to be nice)
Smokey: Not allowed too. Only thing I can drop is the new one that you put on the day you filed . unles you give the ok too.
Me: I will just pay it. Today.
Me: I'm on deadline, so give me til five.
Smokey: Ok I'll check later on .
Me: I'd expect nothing less.
Smokey: I got it dropped to $110 for your portion.
Me: I appreciate that. Not bein a smart a$$.
No response.
Desperate much? Yup. Ol' Heather was oozing out my pores. At least, that's how it felt. I may not have conveyed it, but I was desperately hoping for some small ray of hope.
And, it hurt and pi$$ed me off all at once about the home improvements. Seriously? He is spending all this money on improvements that have been needed for how many years? And, he waits until now and pays me $200 in child support.
Once I calm down, I think he revealed a bit of himself in this dialogue today.
I paid the insurance.
Sitting with D12 right now while I detox from the day.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
