moving with confidence to success!

[rj2]

thanks everyone!
Feeling more objective about the R talk I think. I see underneath all the junk. H's "anti-M" issues really seem to center around control, and not feeling good enough about himself. Think he is pretty sensitive inside(though he'd never admit) and it shows through with the dagger type comments. He did talk a lot in circles, too which showed his confusion over what "M" really means, and more so- that rather than "M", it is his own insecurities that are haunting him. At one point in the convo, he was reacting to my "persuasiveness" by telling me I'm gonna have to be the one to tell his whole family why we're together, but not acting like a traditional married couple. Like it makes about as much sense to get a D and still be together as the other option? Circles. He believes in "traditional M" that's his values, 2 sentences later, but no he doesn't like "traditional M". About the money, he admitted that he feels like a failure and there's no guarantee of his success, having to 'provide' for someone else only makes his blow feel worse.(He's been unemployed for 5 months now) And if he's in debt and what if a creditor came after me, that's not fair for me. So that's what was behind the "let's D to release financial burden from each other" His lack of confidence in ever being a success. I told him it wouldn't be long before he was successful, and he angrily accused me of wearing rose-colored glasses- etc.. But somehow I got through saying it would be easier on funds if we were M, rather than living together with lots of separate bills.

Then about the OW/free talk- when we ML last night, H wasn't sure that he measured up-(ongoing issue-has had back injury a few years ago) So, it's his insecurity that he's not good enough in the bedroom for me and so he's got to act like he IS hot, he can get OW, OW will want him- to pump up his ego- push away those feelings of not being good enough. It was funny, b/c he even admitted that I would be the one making out way better on the non-monogamy thing.. and I would call H more of a LD person, too.

Hopefully, the more he starts trusting me again, and the "new" me- the negatives and insecurities will start to fade. And esp when he gets new job.... So, I am hopeful this stuff will pass. Will update again soon!