moving with confidence to success!

[rj2]

Big update. With some confusion..... kind of a spin, but I'm sorting this out...right now.. positives and ? as well

Great interactions w. H and then ML last night, after that- HUGE R talk starts...... Trying to sort things out and see clearly right now. H approached it all more logically, rather than emotionally. Has had thoughts in his head over past 4 -5 mo and started spilling it all out. H sees our R and M as a flow chart with possible options we could take. 1) stay M 2) stay "together", but D for no financial liability and no M tied down/'societal' obligations 3) D and separate for good. H said right away he wanted to "stay together" so he was looking at options #1 and #2. He wanted to know if I saw any other "options" and literally mapped out a flow chart on paper- lol! Talked a lot about society/preconceptions of "M" and what H didn't like about that. H said he liked me and wanted to be with me, but didn't want the "institution of M" So, we get to talking more and I seemingly end up convincing him he has no rules and restrictions being "M". H says he thinks this should be a joint decision, whatever "we" decide. Wow. At the end of the convo, H asks me what I want, and I say #1, but I don't think we would have to feel restricted, etc..Then, H agrees that "we" have chosen #1(stay M, but our definition of that is open ended - but we didn't really go into details about exactly what this means. Some of the ideas he threw out in a jumble were the occasional sleeping with other people, wearing rings or not? Not calling each other H or W? His BIGGEST ones were not feeling like he would screw me financially(his provider/guilt burden) and feeling like I acted like his mother. Those two he focused on the most. Then, he said it was impt to come and go as we please and if he wants to go out drinking w. friends, should be ok(I never said it wasnt'- silly stuff like that) The other (one-nighter or ring) junk was just said in passing.

So, we were both drinking and I think I may have gotten a little too defensive about my points - and perhaps that's why H threw out some daggers? (OW, faults about me from the past) I hope this stuff is more talk than reality.... likely if he felt "attacked" or not fully heard out on his points perhaps. At the end of the convo, he even said "basically I don't want to be married to my mother" Like that's what this was all about?! Of course, H contradicted himself several times in the convo. At one point he explained that his idea about "staying together" as a couple, but getting a D to release each other from financial burden was about him thinking the money sitch would be better if things were not shared. He didn't want to screw me. I pointed out that actually moneywise there are more benefits being M.... he actually saw my point and that's what helped sway him to go with choice #1. H even admitted that a lot of what he didn't like about us in the past, was indeed in the past and now the present and future are different! Breakthrough there..... Think it's really all about the classic "control" issues.. If I let him feel like he's free, he might not take initiative to really act out a ton, and actually be drawn closer to me? That's what my DB seems to have done so far... BTW, Thank you MIL for being nazi control freak on H when he was growing up! NOT.

But, overall, I'm sitting here thinking- whoah, did I just reconcile with H?! We're still sleeping in separate beds, but H dropped comment about maybe sleeping in my bed at one point in the night. Said he liked my hugs and cuddles too.

H just called me at work today, to tell me he was going shopping, what he was buying and details about his own bank account deposit he's making. Already thinking "shared" Like if he doesn't think I "expect" things from him, he's more open to share and treat me as a partner?