She is all over the place. At one point in the same convo she said I'm the perfect man for her, and that she will always know she at least had one true love. She also laughed that someday she will probably be stalking me and my happy new family... Its hard to be mad or hurt when none of it is even logical.
Your wife sounds like she's 25-going-on-15. Did she not have a chance to live out her 18-24 years or something? She sounds like he's having a "quarter-life-crisis."
btw, even if you end up choosing a mediator, you ABSOLUTELY should also hire your own attorney to look over any final agreement before signing it. Whether or not your wife does is up to her.
"She sounds like he's having a "quarter-life-crisis.""
That's funny. I mean not really, but yeah.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Yeah Jefe, sometimes I can only laugh because it is so ridiculous!
Starsky, she actually "self diagnosed" this as as a quarter life crisis... I knew her when she was 15 and you're right on, she has gone back a decade. I am hopeful her new job will open her eyes again to responsibility, adulthood, and reality. During our R I have seen her levels of appreciation for me and bard work go up and down as she has been employed/unemployed. I'm convinced unemployment is a horrible disease that eats away at the soul...
For now the test is to see if she can get through this weekend without contacting OM. She is telling me he probably won't show up to her presentation, but I am confident he will. He was at the last one 6 months ago (I was there that time and this weekend it's in the same place with the same people). Her friend who knows about and disagrees with the sitch is going with her, so that might serve as some accountability. Intel is saying she has been preparing herself for some sort of contact with OM though. Probably sexual...
I think this will be a defining weekend for our relationship.
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
"she actually "self diagnosed" this as as a quarter life crisis"
Are you kidding me?!? Starsky's comment was tongue in cheek. That's insane.
I feel for you, sir. Praying as well.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
W has been cake eating with our money (not literally, she doesn't even like cake =D) while she's been out of town this weekend so I text her to discuss it. I asked her to not use my credit card for anything but gas since she had been charging that card for restaurants and alcohol; she replied right away that she agreed and I sent another message right away to discuss how we would be spending money, I laid out a plan and asked for her input. She ignored my text, so after 2 days and a few transactions out of line with my proposed plan, I sent another message again today. She called me to discuss, acting like she hadn't seen my first message When she called today she said "okay so what do you want me to do?" And I said "I don't want to tell you what to do, I just want to discuss it with you." She suggested we just spend our savings for living expenses for now until she gets her first paycheck. I laid out my plan again, which is the same plan we have used the past 3 1/2 years... Basically we have one account for spending/groceries/etc., one account for bills on autopay/monthly expenses and charge gas to my credit card (she is an auth user), which is paid off from money placed in the bills account. I suggested if we run out of money in the spending account we should discuss what to do at that point. She agreed to this... We'll see how that goes; if she continues to be irresponsible and uncommunicative about it, I plan to take steps to remove her from my credit card, change my direct deposit, etc. I know I need to protect our family money and show her I'm ready to move on with or without her.
I want to ask if she saw OM this weekend, but think it might be best to wait until she gets home this evening or later this week. I'm trying to keep our conversations positive while holding firm to my boundaries. If I can confirm whether she saw OM or not, I'll prob be posting for advice on next steps.
She mentioned her best friend of 10 years called again to tell her she does not support W's decisions and that she doesn't want W in her life as an influence on her future children, dragging her down, etc... Ouch! I exposed the A to this friend and her H before finding DB... W had some nasty things to say about this former best friend.
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
And... 2 hours after agreeing to not use my credit card for anything but gas, she used it again for groceries. Card has been canceled. Sitting at the bank opening a new account to preserve our money for bills/savings.
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
And... 2 hours after agreeing to not use my credit card for anything but gas, she used it again for groceries. Card has been canceled. Sitting at the bank opening a new account to preserve our money for bills/savings.
I want to ask if she saw OM this weekend, but think it might be best to wait until she gets home this evening or later this week. I'm trying to keep our conversations positive while holding firm to my boundaries.
UC, people who are in affairs lie -- PERIOD. All of them. 100%. Oh, you might get some "trickle-truth," or an occasional moment of "truth" when they are confronted by hard evidence, but that's about it. I would strongly suggest that you not use the cheater herself as the source of your intel about what the cheater has been up to.
Her cards all got declined when she was out to a nice dinner on my tab. NOW she is listening.
Never mind I attempted to discuss finances this weekend and this morning, and she agreed to the game plan, which she quickly disregarded. "But you KNEW I was out wine tasting, drivin around, going out to eat, buying $10 water bottles, getting lunch, etc, etc, etc"
She was in tears sobbing over the phone "so far you've acted like you were my friend and I just KNEW it was a matter of time before you turned on me. I know this is what I deserve, but it is a hard pill to swallow. Do I need to call my dad and ask him for money so I can move out??? Do I? DO I?"
Me... "Uhhh that's your call, I've tried to be patient and open about what I want and asked for your input, but I need to protect our money and credit from your negative behavior..."
Her... "I'm going to move out! Oh and the OM wasn't even there this weekend!! It's not like I'm effing some guy, I'm just doing my thing and you were doing your thing this weekend!" Click.
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
