If I may touch on this topic as a L and as a "witness" to something similar, maybe she ought Not to confront her mom so much
as it will not really help to have her mother 1) admit she knew but was not strong OR concerned enough to stop it,
OR
2) did not know b/c she chose not to or was oblivious to it, in which case, how does airing it all now help?
3) her mom really did not know, and the Guilty Party lied well enough that its reasonable for her mother not to have known...if that is the case, why guilt her, NOW? Just tell her what happened and move on with healing. If it were me (as the mother, not the child), I'd need some counseling myself.
I cannot imagine the mother NOT feeling blamed...and that's crucial for your w to understand. Does she really need to blame her mom? What else is all the disclosure for?
If she does want to hold her mom to blame, Why? Who is helped? Who is hurt?
If she says she does Not wish to hold her mom responsible, then why keep at it with her mom?
Why not just work to exorcise it within herself, and maybe let her sister and she support each other through it?
Also, never let yourself get lumped in with "men are pigs" comparisons.
She probably won't consciously do it, but look where you are... You will need to ask the MC how to make sure you are NOT blamed in ANY way, again.
I say that b/c I think at least at a subconscious level, your xw DID overreact to your transgressions out of a neurotic fear, somewhat explained by her history,
which she only now chose to reveal to you. That was and is UNFAIR to you.
Sad as her experiences were, and I know what that's like, you were victimized by HER failure to address it. Don't forget not to be a victim again.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
