Why do some of us do better with NC and those that have NC want some kind of contact?
I do much better when H isn't around. We are hanging as a family next Sunday and I'm hoping to have NC until then.
Mentally I feel a little better. Had a lovely relaxing weekend with D.
Just focusing on not taking things personally, now. Man it's hard to do that but I'm not letting my brain wander and try to disprove the idea that it's not about me.
I have an IC appointment today. I think it'll be a first where I feel like I'm walking in wanting progress and not just to wallow and feel like a victim. It's odd because victim hood is SO not me but I've been there for so long. Baby steps.
You know what I want? I want a freaking great job. I do. I want it badly.
I'm afraid to want something like that because I'm feeling like I'm not allowed to have what I want (namely a strong and revived marriage). It's making me a but gun shy and strange magical thinking sets in and I start to think I don't have that marriage because I don't deserve it so I don't have a good job because I don't deserve it. Gah. It's just not true and magical thinking is crazy making!!
