I only have one child but sometimes I feel like she is the equivalent of 3-4.
Prior to BD and S (actually about 3 weeks into S), H was a very physically and emotionally absentee father. He'd never play with her, do things with her, would complain about school events she really looked forward to, had no idea what she was involved in, didn't know her teacher's name or how she was doing in school, who her friends were, what she liked to do. He didn't know her and she barely knew him.
That is 110% his issue. Things have changed for the better since S but H was super disengaged much like your H is now.
You can't foster his relationship with his children. You doing your best for your kids (nursing, SAHM, being great) doesn't prevent him from being great. Perhaps it raises the bar for him but it doesn't prevent him from doing his best to be the best dad he can be. Don't blame yourself for even one second here.
This is his thing. It's excruciating having to help pick up the pieces of his abandonment of the kids but you showing your strength and availability will help them learn that they CAN rely on people to be there for them in times of trouble.
I'm curious about your H's father. Was he around? What are his examples of male loyalty?
