moving with confidence to success!

[rj2]

Went late to H's show last night, actually missed his band's set.. Got there in time to talk to H for few minutes and then he was heading out. He says "I could stay and see other bands"(acting like we're together?) and that I could come over later on in the night. So, I stay and have a blast at show meeting new people and drop by H's 2 hrs later. H has friends over(drummer and his date) I hit it off with the girl and at one point she asks me how I know H..(lol) So I whisper to her that we've been M, been S and working on getting back together. Apparently H heard me say "working on getting back together" and later in the night he gives me [censored] about it- saying "I'm a horrible whisperer" and I shouldve said to her "how we met was that my friend intro'd me to him after running into me at 7-11 brought me back to H friend place(the story of how we met 10yrs ago) So, he didn't throw out daggers, but I hope I don't end up with a backslide later with him overhearing that?

Then, friends leave and H and I hang out for 2 more hrs, have amazing time! Talk about music, showing me his gear- totally relating on the creative process... Later H gets tired and cranky and I offer him a backrub, which he takes me up on. I think I may have pushed it a little b/c I kissed him on back some, he didn't really react bad- but he didnt reciprocate either, saying he wasn't in the mood. Then we played with cats, too. At points, H makes petty critical comments about doing stuff right- like watching out for cats not getting my drink, etc. Teases me about how cat is his ally now- and they gang up on me like old times. He was really worn out and tired, so finally I left. H gives me keys to apt and tells me I can come over anytime tonight to move in. I say I'm not sure if I will, he tells me to call tonight then. The overall vibe from him was super friendly when we were "hanging out" but then got a little more cranky when we acted intimate. Could've been the tiredness, etc too.

Think I need to be really careful about what I say still -it's way too easy to slip, now that I am getting so close and really try to better mirror H's level of closeness. I think I may have pushed it a little too close last night- and I also lost my perspective a bit, feeling like acting like we were together for sure kind of thoughts kept popping in my head, wanting to kiss, etc...feelings of being irked he didn't respond... Then I was tempted to pop into the old dynamic too, with saying defensive things back to H when he got critical of me. I did get a little defensive about him overhearing me- Wow, this new level of being around him so much is really a huge test on "detachment". Time for me to step back and keep sight of my DB.