Mozza (2)

[GoatGal]

Mozza,

Sandi and 25years are vets with great advice that usurps my own. I would definitely listen to them and take their advice.

Every sitch is different and you know yourself and your W best.

The things I'm reacting to when I read your thread are red flags to me about you tolerating things you shouldn't because you're trying to make up for past bad behavior.

Like your W using your place for storage, having access to your flat, making unilateral decisions about the children without discussing it with you first.

Then blatantly having a R with this OM, which in itself is very disrespectful.

"Lowering the temperature" as you put it, is very appropriate.
Cooling down the anger on both sides is important.

You want to keep the "road to reconciliation paved" but that doesn't mean you need to lie down on it so she can run over you with a steamroller!


(I apologize if my humor doesn't come across well. You said English is not your native language, however your writing doesn't reflect this at all. Your English is perfect. Are you by any chance Italian? Because of "Mozza"? Just a guess.)

There is being nice and allowing her to take advantage and control your behavior, and then there is being assertive and maintaining your values and integrity while at the same time being respectful and kind to her.

She is going to be upset with you at some point when you do not do as she wishes.
That is her problem.

By the way, my H had a lot of anger towards me too, about things which had nothing to do with reality. It was just his way of justifying his actions. If he could find something to be angry with me about, it would help him feel better about leaving me.


Try and figure out if your W's previous complaints had merit or not. If they did, work on those things. If not, maybe work on them anyway, just in case.
For YOU.