still holding on - 5

[u-turn]

I think she is starting to feel drained by this now. She slept most of the day yesterday after lunch. She is going through a lot of different emotional swings - she'll be friendly one minute, then storm out of the room angry about something.

I know she was looking at some old letters that I had given her from months ago. I also saw evidence that she was going through my phone over the weekend.

She woke up last night, and I was laying there awake. I said to her that I wished that this all was just a nightmare. She said that she did too.

This morning she as I was leaving, I said bye, have a good day and she grabbed me and gave me a long hug. I hugged her too, but left quickly after that. I was a little upset and wanted to make a clean exit.

I am trying to keep my distance, not to pursue and trying not to show her any negative emotions.

She is scheduled to go out of town to visit family in FL this weekend and into next week. I am planning things to do with the kids. I usually hope that the time away with her family will give her some clarity, but I've been let down by that before (no expectations this time).