And my W had a certain ‘light’ to her personality. W would go about doing her mission for the day – volunteering at the kid’s school, making a meal for a friend or neighbor who was sick or had a baby, and lending an extra hand whenever someone in her extra-large family needed help. But she was irresponsible. She kept a messy house (except for the portions of the house I cleaned daily). She is bad on completing tasks, and so I was responsible for making sure kid’s homework was done, that kid’s got off to school and had breakfast, but we would both go together to the kid’s events. This was the life I enjoyed and chose.
I'm a left-brain dominant engineer/science type, she is a free-spirited artsy type... I totally relate to ^^^^. It worked for a long time. But after her father died and the kids started moving away from being so "Mom dependant" to independence, something changed in her. And it started NOT working pre-BD, she said she "felt like a child", worried if she could take care of herself if I died, etc.
Quote:
Thanks again AJ for helping me to begin to see my motivation for wanting W to be dependent on me, and thereby actually trying to control her. Yikes, this is hard stuff.
So the next layer to dig into, is:
Why do you want her to be dependent on you?
What FEAR is behind that?
Because you wouldn't want your grown children to be dependent on you, right? You would want them to be self-sufficient, secure that they can handle life, right?
So why do you want different for your wife, who is a grown adult?
What are you afraid of?
Deep down?
Hm?
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
