Mozza (2)

[GoatGal]

Sounds as if she is baiting you.

Either way, you lose.

Don't let her push you into responding.

1. Can you swap dates without sacrificing something you really want to do?
If you can, then decide if YOU want to. Then simply tell her your decision.
You don't need to "explain" it. She made her choices, you are making yours.

You can be kind and say, "I'm sorry but I already made plans that I can't change."

It's not your problem that she doesn't want the burden of the kids on her birthday weekend so she can go out. There are these cool things that were invented many moons ago. They're called BABYSITTERS. Maybe she can call one. (But don't suggest it--that's rescuing her. Let her figure this out. Or not.)

2. Lunch: If it's not in your best interests to go because you have plans, don't feel like it, won't be able to keep up your PMA or look your best, you are right to decline. And you don't owe her an explanation either.

What she thinks or feels about your actions is HER problem, not yours.

You do not have to let her know whether you like or dislike the lunches... this is just her being pouty. She wants you to put yourself on the line and tell her you still like being around her. I wouldn't waste one minute reassuring her that that's the case.
You can show her with your ongoing actions that you care for her and enjoy being in her company. On YOUR TERMS. Not when she demands something from you.
Be nice. Be firm. Be honest. Put yourself first.
"Sorry, today just won't work for me." (No reason needed.)

If you want to, "Too short notice. Perhaps another time."

She might want to get the idea that she has to ask you ahead of time because you're not just sitting around waiting for her to call.

(You're not, right? )


Personally, I'd let her stew in her own juice for a while.
She wants what she wants when she wants it and why is it your job to make that happen for her?

Go GAL and have lunch elsewhere.
But always be NICE about it.


---(G)GGG

PS: Sorry I'm not up on your sitch 100%. I assume SHE is the one who wanted the separation? And do you know whether or not there is OM? Because in either of those cases, I wouldn't be bending over backwards to protect her from feeling like she might lose you if she continues her behavior.